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Showing posts from October, 2014

"Scrape": This Fuckn' Guy Fucks Up.

Scrape
It was bound to fucking happen
And it was all my fucking fault
And I feel pretty fucking bad about it
And I still want to do something about it if I fucking can
Or maybe I should fucking let it go.
But anyway...

So, I'm riding down Broadway, on my way to work
(Yes, of course this is another fucking Citibike story),
And I get to one of those really narrow fucking sections
Where the motherfuckers are doing all this fucking construction
So there's only one fucking lane,
And there's this cab in the middle of the motherfucking lane,
But then it moves the fuck off to the right,
Which looks good for me, because I'm on the left,
But then it fucking inches back, I think,
Or maybe it fucking didn't--maybe I just never had enough fucking room,
I don't fucking know.
But I hit the brakes, 
But I still fucking pass him
And in so fucking doing,
The fucking handlebar of the motherfucking bike
Scrapes across both doors of the motherfucking cab.

And I'm kind of a dic…

"Death [rev.]" This Fuckin' Guy Attempts a Rewrite

Death [rev.]
Considering how fucking old I am
I have not experienced a shitload
Of pull-your-heart-out-of-your-chest-
And-kick-your-fuckikng-ass-from-here-to-
I-don't-fuckking-know-where-the-fuck-kinda-deaths.
Some. One already this year.
But not all that fucking many.

But I'm about to.
I'm fucking about to.
I'm about to experience another fucking one.

And I've never, ever, ever in my entire fucking life,
Been able to even fucking, fucking try
To tell someone who was about to fucking die
How much I love them
How much they fucking mean
How much..I don't fucking know
How much fucking everything.

But I did. I fucking did. I fucking tried.
I fucking tried, at fucking least.
I fucking tried.

By way of fucking background
When we fucking lived together
Susannah Fucking Ryan taught me fucking mountains of shit
Including a shitload of mystical shit
She designed and fucking executed the fantastic fucking record cover
For the King Missile album "Mystical Shit"
We smoked pot, drank coffee…

"Bag" and "Gordon": This Fuckin' Guy Gets a Little Fucking Metaphysical in the Morning and Bumps Into an Old Friend in the Evening.

Bag
As I rode in this morning,
On a fucking Citibike, of course--what the fuck else?
I saw this on a fucking tote bag that a woman was carrying:
NOW IS BETTER
(I think that's what it said -
Her fucking arm was obscuring part of the fucking bag).

Now,
There can be some wisdom in motherfucking tote bags
Like the one with that John Waters quote:
"If you go home with somebody,
And they don't have books,
Don't fuck them."
That's pretty fucking wise.

And maybe this fucking tote bag
I saw this morning
Has some fucking wisdom to impart
But at first fucking blush, I was like
Yes--for me, now is better.
But it sure isn't fucking better for everybody.
And if I had seen that shit a couple of fucking weeks ago,
Or even, say, Monday fucking morning,
I would have been like,
How the fuck is now better?
Now fucking sucks.

And how about those motherfuckers with Ebola?
Or even all those motherfuckers
Who are fucking worried about catching Ebola
Because the motherfucking ne…

"Death": This Fuckin' Guy Cries a Fucking River

Death
Considering how fucking old I am
I have not experienced a shitload
Of pull-your-heart-out-of-your-chest-
And-kick-your-fuckikng-ass-from-here-to-
I-don't-fuckking-know-where-the-fuck-kinda-deaths.
Some. One already this year.
But not all that fucking many.

But I'm about to.
I'm fucking about to.
I'm about to experience another fucking one.

And I've never, ever, ever in my entire fucking life,
Been able to even fucking, fucking try
To tell someone who was about to fucking die
How much I love them
How much they fucking mean
How much..I don't fucking know
How much fucking everything.

But today I fucking did. I fucking tried.
I fucking tried, at fucking least.
I fucking tried.

I spoke with her on the phone this morning
And heard her beautiful fucking voice
Like it wasn't 25 fucking years ago
Like it was fucking last week or yesterday
Or some fucking shit.

To fucking cry
And fucking think,
About someone you fucking love so fucking much,
I can't believe you're fucking g…

"Proof" and "Stapler": This Fuckin' Guy Links to Some Old Fucking Videos For Throwback Thursday.

Proof
I am fucking aware
That at least once, and maybe more than once
I have asked, rhetorically,
"What the fuck do I have to fucking prove?"
But clearly,
I was being fucking disingenuous.

Because when I was watching NY1 this morning
(Yes, I  still fucking subscribe
To Time Warner Motherfucking Cable.
Yes, I'm a fucking sucker. Fuck you.),
And when the fucking story came on
About the motherfuckers citibiking into work this morning
In the goddamn heavy motherfucking rain,
I was like "Fuck you. It's on."

I was already fucking smarting
("Smarting?" What the fuck kind of word is "smarting"?)
From having someone sing "Wuss" to me last night
Because I wouldn't take a bike home
From Carnegie Fucking Hall.

Which, for the fucking record,
Would have been a fucking disaster:
I got soaked just walking three fucking blocks
From the fucking Broadway/Lafayette
F train fucking station,
Even though I fucking had
A huge motherfucking umbr…

"Peace," "Endings," "Metatweet," and "Trip (With "Cake" Infuckingside)": This Fuckin' Guy Has a Fucking Religious Experience, Then Gets Really Meta and Petty and Personal and Small and Self-Indulgent and Tiresome and a Little Fucking Hard on Himself.

Peace
This fucking morning
Was fucking beautiful, and
As I walked toward the motherfucking
Citibike fucking station
For my first motherfucking bike ride
Since fucking last Thursday,
I saw a motherfucking squirrel climb up a tree:

The fucking light breaking
Through the motherfucking clouds
The fucking smell of Autumn in New York:
God damn motherfucking fuck,
There fucking are no motherfucking words.

The motherfucking feeling of timelessness
And fucking ecstasy and fucking oneness
And fucking nothingness
That fucking feeling of being there
And not fucking being there
And being fucking everywhere at once
And fucking nowhere
In the same fucking instant,
In that single motherfucking timeless moment
Of
Peace.

Motherfucking peace:
Not wanting fucking anything
Not needing to fucking know anything
Just fucking feeling, being/not being,
Knowing that the fucking moment will pass
But even being fucking fine with that

I stood there and watched the fucking squirrel
Until I couldn't fucking s…

"Mic" - This Fuckin' Guy Writes a Poem at a Mic.

Mic
So a couple of fucking hours ago
On my way to run some fucking errand
I pass by a sign that says "Open mic tonight,"
And I'm like, are you fucking kidding me?
So I walk in and I ask how fucking long it goes until
And the woman at the door say "10,"
And I'm like, ok, I'll fucking come back, then.
I'm thinking I can read some of my fucking poems
That I'm going to read
In fucking Los Angeles on fucking Friday,
Saturday and motherfucking Sunday.

But it takes fucking forever for me to finish
All of my fucking shit,
And I don't get back to the fucking place
Until like nine fucking thirty.
And I figure no fucking way
Am I going to be able
To sign up for this fucking mic.

I order a fucking sparkling water
I fucking love sparkling water -
This one's called Bolle,
And it's pretty fucking good.

And like three fucking minutes later,
The host, Eve, she fucking says,
 "ok, we have a fucking open slot.
The first person who wants go next
Ca…

"Flat," "Scrape," "Tape," and "Length": This Fuckin' Guy Goes on Way Too Fucking Long for "Metatweet."

Flat
I took out a fucking Citibike this morning
As I am fucking wont to do
I save so much fucking money riding these motherfuckers,
For one fucking thing.
But for another fucking thing,
I like riding a motherfucking bike to work
I really fucking like it.

But I start riding this fucking bike
And I realize it must have
A motherfucking flat
But I'm figuring it can't be that bad of a flat
Because it hadn't fucking been reported broken
Which is an easy motherfucking thing to do:
You just press a motherfucking button
When you return the motherfucker.

So I start riding, south on Mercer,
As I'm wont to do,
And yeah, the bike's a little fucking wobbly
And a bit hard to fucking pedal
But it seems fucking manageable.
I could have just fucking returned it,
But if you return a Citibike
Even a fucking a broken one
You have to wait two fucking minutes
Before you can take out another one
So I was like, fuck that shit,
I can fucking do this.
Because I'm a fucking idiot.

So I&#…

"Flies," "Research," and "Rating": This Fuckin' Guy's Got a Few More.

Flies
Ok, so I was just walking out of the fucking garden
And on the ledge outside the fucking pediatrician's window
Two fucking flies were fucking

This was not like that time with the squirrels
I mean, it's the same sexual position
(Which, now that I think about it: so many fucking
Non-human animals fuck like that all the fucking time
(Not to mention human animals, who also fuck like that sometimes),
So why is it fucking called doggy style?
Is what I'd fucking like to fucking know.)

So, it's the same fucking sex position
But very different fucking methodology
(From the fucking squirrels, I mean.)
These flies looked like
They weren't fucking moving at all

Can a fly's dick just pump in and out
Without the fly moving his hips at all, or what?
Do flies even fucking have hips?

I don't know why I'm wondering
When I can just look that shit up
Which maybe I fucking will
In a moment or fucking two

But I'm fucking recalling
The last time I saw two fucking…

"Doc:" This Fuckin' Guy Watches a Movie.

Doc
I don't watch a whole fucking lot of documentary films.
My reasons are mostly fucking stupid, so I won't go into them.
But let me fucking say this:
Martin Fucking Scorsese
Is one of the most underated fucking documentary filmmakers alive.

We can start with "The Last Fucking Waltz,"
And mention "Italian Americans"
And then there's the fucking George Harrison one
And the Bob Dylan fucking one
And, although I haven't seen it,
He made one about Fran Fucking Lebowitz, for fuck's sake.
I mean, come on, right?

So, okay, last month,
I found out he just did one
About my favorite fucking magazine
(Or paper, or journal, or whatever you fucking want to call it):
The New York Fucking Review of Fucking Books

This fucking film is called
"The 50 Year Argument"
And I fucking watched it last fucking night
And I fucking loved it
I fucking loved it

It's got fucking James Baldwin in it
And Susan Fucking Sontag
And fucking Joan Fucking Didion
And fu…