tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-60099723110462069532024-03-08T14:01:48.451-08:00This Fckin' BlogIt fucking is what it fucking is.Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14511768057507065605noreply@blogger.comBlogger48125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009972311046206953.post-28711917477125711722017-12-06T07:24:00.001-08:002017-12-06T08:22:49.110-08:00"Points": This Fuckin' Guy Gets Some Fucking Points.<u>Points</u><br />
<br />
As those of you motherfuckers<br />
Who were reading This Fuckin' Blog last year<br />
(Or who heard <a href="https://powertoolrecords.bandcamp.com/track/bike" target="_blank">this</a>)<br />
Already fucking know,<br />
I like Citibike:<br />
I used to have to buy motherfucking monthly transit cards<br />
From the motherfucking MTA<br />
Every motherfucking month<br />
And I fucking hate the motherfucking MTA.<br />
<br />
Citibike has saved me a shitload of money<br />
That would otherwise go to the pieces of shit<br />
At the fucking MTA<br />
So yeah, I fucking like Citibike.<br />
<br />
If I had to name the worst fucking thing<br />
About Citibike<br />
I guess I'd say that sometimes<br />
There's no fucking bikes<br />
And you have to walk to another fucking docking station<br />
And sometimes<br />
There's no room to dock your bike<br />
So you have to ride to another station to dock your fucking bike<br />
But that's really no big deal<br />
It's only occasionally a pain in the ass.<br />
<br />
But, so then, I get an email from Citibike a couple of months ago,<br />
About this new fucking program<br />
Where you get points<br />
If you take a fucking bike from a too-full fucking station<br />
And/or if you dock a bike at a station that doesn't have enough fucking bikes.<br />
They call it Bike Angels.<br />
If you get 10 points in a month, you can give somebody a free 24 hour Citibike trial*<br />
If you get 20, you get a week added to your motherfucking membership.<br />
If you get 40, another week.<br />
You can get up to four fucking free weeks of Citibike each month, if you get 80 fucking points.<br />
<br />
So I did this in October and November--eight weeks free.<br />
It's fucking nice.<br />
(After that, you get a dollar for every ten points, but I say fuck that,<br />
I accidentally got a dollar the first month, but I don't give a shit about that.)<br />
And they have a fucking leader board,<br />
And some fucking animals<br />
Are getting thousands of points a month<br />
So that they can be designated fucking Bike Leaders,<br />
And I'm like, go wild, motherfuckers--you're fucking crazy.<br />
I'm like, just give me my free membership extension, and I'll see you next fucking month.<br />
<br />
But so then, this month, it's December, and I'm thinking it's gonna get cold at some fucking point,<br />
--Although who the fuck knows what with this fucking planet and fucking climate change--<br />
But still, I want to try to get my fucking four free weeks out of the way as soon as possible,<br />
And December first is a really nice fucking day,<br />
And there's this station,<br />
Right near my fucking office,<br />
And usually, you get three points every fucking time you dock a bike there,<br />
Because it's right by this ferry and people are always hopping off the fucking ferry and hopping on a fucking bike,<br />
And there's another fucking station<br />
That's almost always got bikes in it,<br />
Because motherfuckers are always docking bikes there,<br />
And it's a two minute walk away from the three point station,<br />
So this really fucking easy--<br />
I go to the one station,<br />
Get a fucking bike,<br />
Ride it over to the other station,<br />
Ca-ching, three fucking points<br />
Sometimes only two points,<br />
When the station gets to full,<br />
But still,<br />
I can easily get ten fucking points<br />
In a half a fucking hour.<br />
<br />
So, December first, and I've done this twice,<br />
And I'm walking toward the station<br />
To get another fucking bike<br />
And I see this lycrafuck,<br />
and he's got two fucking Citibikes:<br />
He's riding one,<br />
And wheeling the other,<br />
And I'm like what the fuck,<br />
I don't know if this guy has two memberships<br />
Or if somehow he can take two bikes out at once<br />
But he's racking up a lot of fucking points<br />
And he should go fuck himself, is what I'm thinking.<br />
<br />
But so then, the next time,<br />
We pass by each other,<br />
And he says to me,<br />
"Are you a Bike Angel?"<br />
And I just nod.<br />
I don't want to talk to this fucking lycrafuck.<br />
Fuck him.<br />
<br />
Then, a few minutes later,<br />
We're both at the station,<br />
I'm taking out a fucking bike,<br />
And he's fucking taking out another fucking two,<br />
Because he's a fucking piece of shit,<br />
And he says, "Are you a Bike Leader?"<br />
And I say, "No, I'm not that competitive.<br />
I only take out one bike at a time."<br />
I say this to him because I'm a dick,<br />
But also because he's a fucking dick.<br />
Fuck that fucking dick.<br />
<br />
Then I see him<br />
Dock two more fucking bikes<br />
At that station<br />
Filling it all the way the fuck up<br />
So I have to wait until<br />
Someone gets off the fucking ferry<br />
Which only takes a few minutes,<br />
And then I go to the office<br />
I got 22 fucking points<br />
I'm good for the fucking day.<br />
<br />
I went back there two days ago,<br />
And this morning,<br />
And I haven't seen that piece of shit again.<br />
And now it's December fucking Sixth,<br />
And I've got 72 points,<br />
So yeah, I think I'm going to make it<br />
To 80 fucking points this month.<br />
No thanks to that piece of shit lycrafuck dick.<br />
Fuck that motherfucker.<br />
<br />
December 6, 2017<br />
<br />
*which, if you want the free trial for December, you can Facebook message John S. Hall. If you're the first one, you got it.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14511768057507065605noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009972311046206953.post-12032358563675383062017-08-26T07:45:00.001-07:002017-08-26T08:01:38.145-07:00Dan West: This Fucking Guy Celebrates A FriendshipSo this fucking morning,<br />
I get one of these fucking messages from Facebook,<br />
Telling me I'm celebrating<br />
Three fucking years of friendship<br />
Between me and Dan Fucking West.<br />
<br />
There’s a little fucking video thing.<br />
I've never looked at one of these fucking Facebook videos before.<br />
It's kind of fucking stupid,<br />
But it brought back some nice fucking memories.<br />
I really fucking like Dan West.<br />
He is one awesome motherfucking motherfucker -
<br />
I'm fucking serious like a motherfucking heart attack.<br />
<br />
But at the end of the fucking video,<br />
It says something like,<br />
"There are billions of fucking friendships out there,<br />
But only one like yours<br />
(Meaning mine and Dan West's).<br />
That's fucking awesome."<br />
<br />
I'm not sure why that is fucking awesome.<br />
You could say that every fucking friendship<br />
Is fucking unique.<br />
Is that awesome?<br />
I don't fucking know.<br />
Maybe it is.<br />
No two fucking snowflakes, am I right?<br />
Of course I'm fucking right.<br />
<br />
I guess it would be fucked<br />
If there were two fucking snowflakes<br />
That were exactly the fucking same.<br />
You'd have motherfuckers out there<br />
Every fucking winter<br />
Trying to match up the fucking snowflakes.<br />
That would be a fucked up waste of time.<br />
<br />
So, fuck that.<br />
I'm not going to sit around<br />
Trying to think<br />
Of motherfucking friendships<br />
Like mine and Dan West's.<br />
It <i>is </i>fucking unique.<br />
Because Dan West is unique.<br />
And he is fucking awsome.<br />
I'm glad we're fucking friends.<br />
<br />
Actually, I don't actually know if Dan West<br />
Even fucking likes me all that much.<br />
He's a much fucking nicer person than I am,<br />
That's for fucking sure.<br />
I'm fucking lucky to know him,<br />
That's for fucking sure.<br />
He, and Azailia and I<br />
Made a nice fucking record<br />
Back in the fucking day.<br />
I'll celebrate that shit.<br />
<br />
But I'm not going to fucking celebrate the fact<br />
That our morherfucking friendship is unique.<br />
Because every fucking friendship is unique.<br />
<br />
Still, Dan Fucking West<br />
(Who I like to call "DAN WEST!!!!!")<br />
Is a great motherfucking motherfucker.<br />
Fuck yes he is.<br />
Fuck yes.<br />
<br />
August 26, 2017Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14511768057507065605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009972311046206953.post-58326464780394005332017-04-19T07:36:00.001-07:002017-04-19T07:37:51.387-07:00"Ossoff" and "FBI": This Fuckin' Guy Gives, Gives a Little More, and Refuses to Give<u>Ossoff</u><br />
<br />
Yeah, what the fuck, I gave that motherfucker some money today.<br />
I figured, any motherfucker gets 48 per cent running as a Democrat in the Georgia 6th deserves a little something.<br />
So I gave him a little fucking money.<br />
Just a little fucking money.<br />
<br />
And then Act Blue, who coordinates the fucking contributions, was like "Hey--could we get a fucking tip?"<br />
And I was like, sure, I'll tip you motherfuckers too,<br />
Because 20 percent of the tiny fucking donation I just gave to this motherfucker Ossoff is like nothing anyway,<br />
But it's better than fucking nothing.<br />
<br />
Last week, when Ossoff was polling at like 42 per cent, I was like, "No fucking way is this motherfucker going to win the runoff,"<br />
But maybe he fucking will.<br />
<br />
Anyway, it's worth throwing a little fucking money in.<br />
Skin in the fucking game.<br />
<br />
April 19, 2017<br />
<br />
<u></u><br />
<u>FBI</u><br />
<u></u><br />
Monday, I was about to dock a Citibike<br />
Over by the motherfucking ferry,<br />
And this guy is like,<br />
"Yo, could I borrow your bike? I'm with the FBI."<br />
<br />
And I'm thinking to myself, "I don't give a fuck;<br />
If you keep this bike out past the forty five fucking minute mark, <br />
I'll get fucking charged for it. <br />
And if you never return the fucking bike, I'll get charged<br />
like a thousand fucking dollars."<br />
<br />
The guy is like, "I'll show you my ID; I swear, I'm FBI."<br />
But I've docked the fucking bike at that point,<br />
And I'm walking the fuck away, <br />
But I turn around and say, <br />
"If you're with the FBI, you can just fucking call Citibike <br />
And they will unlock a motherfucking bike for you."<br />
And he says, "I work in the business department of the FBI--I'm not that money."<br />
<br />
And I keep walking, <br />
And I'm kind of fucking outraged.<br />
I'm thinking, this fuckin' guy (not me--him), <br />
This fuckin' guy tries to take a fucking bike on my fucking dime who the fuck knows where <br />
For who the fuck knows how long <br />
By acting like he needs it on FBI business. <br />
He would probably get fired if they found out he tried that shit.<br />
<br />
Now, of course, I'm not going to fucking report him,<br />
And by this time, I don't even remember what he fucking looks like.<br />
But two days later, I'm still thinking about it<br />
And I'm still like,<br />
Fuck that fuckin' guy.<br />
<br />
April 19, 2017 Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14511768057507065605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009972311046206953.post-69560860384676450102017-03-01T14:06:00.002-08:002017-03-01T14:06:26.519-08:00"Trump II: Speech" and "Retrospect": This Fuckin' Guy Reflects.Trump II: Speech*<br />
Jesus fucking cocks<br />How do you like the balls on this motherfucking piece of shit?<br />
<br />
Make the bar so fucking low<br />That that shit looks statesmanlike?<br />That that shit looks good?<br />Fuck that shit<br />And fuck you.<br />
<br />
But I will say one fucking thing:<br />It's a fucking shame that no Democrat since probably LBJ <br />Would even fucking think of proposing <br />A trillion fucking dollars on infrastructure<br />And I will say fuck yes to that.<br />
<br />
I will give credit when credit is due<br />Like what that piece of shit Bush did in Africa:<br />A lot of fucking money to fight AIDS, malaria, and other fucked up shit <br />over there<br />Whereas that fuck Reagan took five fucking years to even say the fucking word "AIDS." <br />That piece of shit ratbastard fuck.<br />
<br />
So fuck yes to Bush fighting AIDS, malaria, and other fucked up shit in Africa<br />And fuck yes to proposing a trillion dollars for infrastructure<br />Even if it never fucking happens<br />It's a nice fucking gesture<br />It's a lovely fucking gesture<br />So fuck yes<br />I mean, I'm almost always going to say yes to government fucking spending<br />A lot of people who work for the government need that fucking money.<br />
<br />
Of course, if it's all private fucking contractors who just take the money and don't actually do jack shit, then fuck that.<br />And with Trump making the deals, will he even give a shit?<br />Will he just want to line the pockets of his motherfucking friends?<br />Or will he hire contractors and not fucking pay them?<br />I don't fucking know<br />But still: just the idea of the government spending a trillion fucking dollars on infrastructure is a great fucking idea.<br />And I will give credit where credit is due.<br />
<br />
And I will shit in that motherfucking piece of shit mouth<br />When it is spewing a shitload of fucking bullshit<br />Which is what almost all of that piece of shit speech was.<br /><br />March 1, 2017 <br />
*In response to Trump's speech last night to Congress.<br />
<br />
<u>Retrospect</u><br />
<u></u><br />
In retrospect<br />I probably should have live tweeted<br />That shit<br />I should have live-tweeted<br />That piece of shit speech<br />
But to do that<br />I would have had to watch that shit<br />
And I was fucking busy<br />Watching West Wing reruns<br />And dreaming of better fucking days<br />That never fucking were.<br />
<br />
March 1, 2017Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14511768057507065605noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009972311046206953.post-67703814996918613182017-02-28T12:35:00.002-08:002017-02-28T12:39:59.923-08:00"Return" and "Trump I": This Fuckin' Guy Comes Back.<u><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Return</span></u><br />
<u></u><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">It's been a long fucking time.<br />I'm not all that into me, but I've kind of fucking missed me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">After writing something like a hundred fucking poems in 14 months, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">This Fuckin' Guy was getting fucking repetitive and pedestrian and boring.<br />To me, at least.<br />And I don't think I was the only fucking one.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">But, now that 14 more months have gone by (17, actually)<br />And what with the state of the motherfucking union,<br />It feels like there might be a place again<br />For This Fuckin' Guy.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Let's see....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">February 28, 2017</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span><br />
<u><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Trump I* (In Seven Parts)</span></u><br />
<u><br /></u><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I<br />Well, yeah, of course.<br />Fuck this fucking piece of shit<br />Fuck this piece of shit in his fucking dick<br />With a fucking corkscrew<br />Stick a fucking corkscrew in his dick<br />And screw it in. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Hard.<br />Fucking piece of shit.<br />Fuck this fucking motherfucker.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">II<br />I've been trying to transcend<br />I've been meditating and being all like<br />Live and let live<br />But then this ever changing world in which we live in<br />Made me give in and cry </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">And say fuck that shit<br />Live and let this motherfucking piece of shit die.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">III<br />I'm not fucking interested <br />In making a reasoned argument<br />About the fucking efficacy<br />Of this piece of shit's presidency</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I'm sure it will be really fucking efficacious:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">It's way fucking easier to fuck shit up <br />Than to make shit better</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">They will fuck shit up, take the fucking money<br />And fucking run<br />That's what they do</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I'm not saying the Democrats are much fucking better<br />I'm just saying they're not as fucking bad</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">IV<br />She was right<br />When she said deplorables</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I mean, I'm sure from the point of view<br />Of the fucking deplorables,<br />I'm the one who is fucking deplorable.<br />That's fine: I'll be deplorable too.<br />I don't give a fuck.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">But if you think any of this shit is okay.<br />Then fuck you<br />Go fuck yourself<br />In the dick<br />With a corkscrew.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">V<br />Fuck me, I fucking hate political poetry<br />I believe in preaching to the converted<br />I believe it's worthwhile<br />But it's so fucking boring</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">So fucking boring</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">So fucking motherfucking motherfucking boring</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia";">Fucking boring</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">But fuck me<br />I'm still not finished.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">VI<br />Do you like the way that piece of shit Bush<br />Looks good now?<br />Are you looking forward to how bad<br />The next fucking piece of shit Republican president is going to be?<br />Because you know he's going to make Trump look good.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">VII<br />Alright, I've run out of steam<br />I'm done for now</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">But this motherfucker is giving a speech tonight<br />So I may be back tomorrow.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">February 28, 2017</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">*"Trump I" because I figure there will be more of these. Maybe a lot fucking more.</span>Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14511768057507065605noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009972311046206953.post-20806923565999743732015-09-29T07:02:00.001-07:002015-09-29T20:41:56.106-07:00"Loss."<u>Loss</u><br />
Two fucking years ago<br />
A month or two after Citibike fucking started up<br />
I was like, fucking hell, I hardly ever ride the fucking subway anymore<br />
So I stopped getting the monthly fucking unlimited fucking Metrocard<br />
And got a pay per fucking ride<br />
And I hardly ever fucking paid for a fucking subway ride:<br />
<br />
For fucking months<br />
I'd get on a fucking bike each morning<br />
And I'd be like, <em>hey I'm fucking saving money</em><br />
And after a couple of months,<br />
Let me fucking tell you,<br />
I was the fastest motherfucking Citbike riding motherfucker<br />
On the motherfucking bike path<br />
Along the fucking Hudson <br />
Going south in the morning.<br />
Not the fastest fucking bike rider -- <br />
There were always some fucking Lycrafucks <br />
Who would pass my ass (see "<a href="http://thequestionat.blogspot.com/2014/08/six-more-this-fuckin-guy-has-got-to-be.html" target="_blank">Bike</a>"; the second to last <br />
Motherfucking poem I wrote on August 30th of last fucking year; <br />
Or hear "Bike," <a href="https://powertoolrecords.bandcamp.com/album/king-missile-iv-this-fuckin-guy-2015" target="_blank">here</a>; I think it's the second fucking track).<br />
But never fucking ever did a motherfucker on another <em>Citibike</em><br />
Ever fucking pass me.<br />
<br />
But sometime last October<br />
I started spending a lot more fucking time in Brooklyn<br />
Where there weren't, and still aren't, <br />
A lot of motherfucking Citibike stations.<br />
So I started getting the monthly fucking unlimited again.<br />
And it was a cold fucking winter any fucking way<br />
With fucking ice<br />
And sometimes some motherfucking snow<br />
I didn't want to ride a fucking bike any fucking way.<br />
<br />
But then the spring came<br />
And I still wasn't fucking riding<br />
Months would fucking pass<br />
I'd refill my fucking Metrocard<br />
For the motherfucking month<br />
Every fucking month<br />
And take the subway every fucking place.<br />
<br />
I just got out of the fucking habit.<br />
When I used to have a fucking pay per ride Metrocard<br />
I'd be saving money every time I took a fucking bike<br />
But with the fucking monthly,<br />
It was like I was fucking wasting money:<br />
And I'd be like, "I might as well take the fucking subway<br />
Those 14 motherfucking blocks; it'll save me a minute or two,<br />
And it's already fucking paid for," <br />
Instead of just taking a fucking bike<br />
Or fucking walking.<br />
<br />
Okay, so anyway (this is a long fucking way to go<br />
For not much of a payoff, really; <br />
If you're still reading this shit, thank you.<br />
You are probably a lot more fucking patient than I am),<br />
On Sunday, <br />
It was time to refill my motherfucking monthly Metrocard,<br />
But I was like, "Fuck it, no:<br />
I haven't been to fucking Brooklyn in weeks;<br />
I'll ride a Citibike tomorrow and Tuesday<br />
To and from fucking work;<br />
And maybe I'll refill the Metrocard Wednesday,<br />
Or Thursday<br />
Or maybe fucking never.<br />
But probably Wednesday or Thursday.<br />
<br />
Okay, but, see,<br />
It's been a long fucking time<br />
Since I've rode a fucking Citibike to work--<br />
Almost a fucking year, I fucking think.<br />
And meanwhile, some motherfuckers<br />
Have gotten really fucking good:<br />
I felt really fucking old this morning<br />
Watching motherfuckers whiz past me<br />
On fucking <em>Citibikes.</em><br />
Some of these motherfuckers<br />
Looked even fucking older than me.<br />
<br />
I was watching them fucking pass me,<br />
And thinking, "I've fucking lost it.<br />
I'm fucking old. <br />
I'm too old for this fucking shit.<br />
I'm just going to get<br />
A fucking monthly unlimited<br />
And forget the whole fucking thing."<br />
And maybe I fucking will. Tomorrow.<br />
<br />
Maybe I should fucking wear <br />
The bottom of my motherfucking trousers rolled.<br />
My back is fucking aching, and my knees.<br />
I am old. I am old.<br />
<br />
So, of course, also, I'm thinking about what I've fucking lost:<br />
Not just my stamina,<br />
But people too.<br />
There's been a lot of fucking loss this fucking year.<br />
And the older I fucking get,<br />
The more I'll fucking lose, I fucking figure.<br />
<br />
It may fucking sound like I'm really fucking miserable,<br />
But I'm not. I'm fucking fine.<br />
A little fucking angry, fucking sad, fucking frustrated,<br />
But mostly fucking fine.<br />
Mitchell, aka Tsvi, from fucking high school,<br />
Killed himself a couple months ago.<br />
George O'Malley, <br />
Who played the shit out of that motherfucking xylophone<br />
On the You Suck single and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ex7NSTQGRBs" target="_blank">Wuss</a>,<br />
Died last fucking week. It fucking sucks.<br />
<br />
But I'm not fucking miserable.<br />
I'm grateful for a lot of fucking things.<br />
I am glad to have known the people I have known.<br />
They've given me so motherfucking much.<br />
<br />
So when I saw Mark and Harriet yesterday<br />
At Syd Straw's show,<br />
I gave them big fucking hugs,<br />
And after the show, <br />
I hugged Syd hard too,<br />
Because you never fucking know<br />
When you will never see someone again.<br />
<br />
Seriously, I am not fucking sad<br />
Dealing with the loss of someone you care about<br />
Means you fucking cared <br />
Means you fucking felt something<br />
Means you fucking feel something<br />
Means you are fucking alive<br />
And life is good. Life is good.<br />
Life is motherfucking, motherfucking good.<br />
9/29/2015<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14511768057507065605noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009972311046206953.post-73054125246203808522015-08-05T07:45:00.001-07:002015-08-05T07:45:31.279-07:00"118" and "Book": This Fuckin' Guy has been at it for a year!<u>118</u><br />
A year ago today, <br />
This Fucking Guy<br />
Wrote his first fucking poem<br />
Called "<a href="http://thequestionat.blogspot.com/2014/08/two-full-poems-and-part-of-third-by.html" target="_blank">Dragonfly</a>"<br />
<br />
Whoop-de-fucking-<br />
Motherfucking-whoop-de-fucking-do<br />
Fucking "Dachshund" and Fucking "Daisy"<br />
Were written that day too<br />
<br />
I just fucking counted<br />
How many there have been<br />
117 motherfuckers<br />
A motherfucking sin<br />
<br />
A few are pretty fucking good<br />
And a few are fucking not<br />
But regardless, 117's<br />
A motherfucking lot<br />
<br />
I posted one motherfucker twice<br />
Because it was rewritten<br />
But it only counts as one<br />
Otherwise, that would be bullshitting<br />
<br />
And there's a fucking poem called "Cake"<br />
Inside another poem<br />
I figured, fuck it, that one counts<br />
Leave me the fuck alone<br />
<br />
Anyway, it's been a year a this shit<br />
Whoop-de-fucking-dee<br />
Happy fucking birthday<br />
To motherfucking me<br />
8/5/2015<br />
<br />
<u>Book</u><br />
I've been thinking,<br />
Fuck me, there are a fuckload<br />
Of This Fuckin' Guy poems.<br />
Shouldn't there be a fucking book?<br />
<br />
"<a href="http://sensitiveskinmagazine.com/owls-this-fuckin-guy-john-s-hall-rick-prol/" target="_blank">Owls</a>" has already been fucking published,<br />
And a few more are supposed to be <br />
In the next fucking issue of <a href="http://lungfull.org/" target="_blank">Lungfull</a><br />
And there's a fucking This Fucking Guy T-Shirt<br />
(You can see John S. Hall wearing it <a href="http://sensitiveskinmagazine.com/poetry-month-release-reading/" target="_blank">here</a>)<br />
There's even a fucking <a href="https://powertoolrecords.bandcamp.com/album/king-missile-iv-this-fuckin-guy-2015" target="_blank">CD</a><br />
<br />
So how about a fucking book?<br />
There's 119 of these motherfuckers<br />
(Counting this motherfucker)<br />
Isn't that enough for a fucking book?<br />
<br />
I mean, not all of them should be published<br />
A lot of them are fucking stupid<br />
But even if 70 of them are too fucking stupid to be published,<br />
That's still leaves almost 50.<br />
<br />
Almost 50 is enough for a fucking book.<br />
And if it's not,<br />
I could always write some more of these motherfuckers.<br />
Because apparently, I can never shut the fuck up.<br />
I might take a fucking break for a week, or a month,<br />
Or a couple of fucking months,<br />
But I'll be back,<br />
Even if there never is a motherfucking book.<br />
Because This Fuckin' Guy really likes to write poems.<br />
No fucking lie.<br />
8/5/2015<br />
Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14511768057507065605noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009972311046206953.post-22709666389024276802015-08-02T07:47:00.002-07:002015-08-06T06:17:39.018-07:00"Explanation" and "Picture": This Fuckin' Guy Follows up on Yesterday's Poem.<br />
<br />
<u>Explanation</u><br />
I'm not fucking sure<br />
If I explained<br />
How my toe got so fucked up.<br />
<br />
You see, when you go on a fucking long ass motherfucking hike,<br />
Particularly when you're hiking downhill,<br />
It's very fucking easy<br />
To stub your fucking toes<br />
On motherfucking rocks.<br />
And I did this repeatedly.<br />
<br />
And if you haven't cut your fucking toenails recently,<br />
The motherfucking toenail<br />
Will jam down into your toe<br />
When you stub that shit on a rock.<br />
And the longer the fucking toenail<br />
The more that shit hurts.<br />
And that toenail,<br />
On the right big toe,<br />
That shit was long.<br />
This Fuckin' Guy<br />
Forgets to clip his motherfucking toenails<br />
Sometimes.<br />
<br />
So, my solution<br />
(Rather than just fucking remembering<br />
To clip those motherfuckers<br />
On a regular fucking basis)<br />
Is, the next time I plan to go<br />
On a motherfucking hike,<br />
I'll put a note in my fucking calendar<br />
Two days before the hike<br />
That says "Clip your fucking toenails."<br />
8/2/2015<br />
<br />
<u>Picture</u><br />
Oh, and I already fucking said<br />
I'm not taking a picture<br />
Of my fucking toe,<br />
So you can all fucking stop asking.<br />
8/2/2015Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14511768057507065605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009972311046206953.post-25580868637526767312015-08-01T07:41:00.001-07:002015-08-06T06:17:21.823-07:00"Toe": This Fuckin' Guy Contemplates an Appendage.<u>Toe</u><br />
Damn my toe got fucked up from that hike last weekend.<br />
That shit is black and fucking disgusting.<br />
I'm not one to wear sandals, normally, but I was just out walking with some mothefucking sandals on, and motherfuck me, that toe looks like shit.<br />
I only first noticed it a couple of days ago.<br />
I don't look at my feet a lot.<br />
I'm not into feet, like I heard Quentin Tarrantino is really fucking into feet,<br />
But I'm not, and even if I fucking was,<br />
I wouldn't be into my feet<br />
And even if I was into my own fucking feet,<br />
I would be like, yo, motherfucking foot over there, I'll see you in a couple of fucking weeks, because that motherfucking toe over there is fucked up.<br />
I could take a photograph of it, and maybe I will, but I don't know if I would want anyone to see that shit. It's fucked.<br />
I'm not trying to be coy.<br />
I'm not trying to play it like, oh, if you talk me into it, I will show you my fucked up fucking toe. Because I won't.<br />
This motherfucking fucked up toe is not for the general public,<br />
Except that just now, before, I went outside with sandals and every motherfucker could have seen that shit if they had been looking.<br />
But no more.<br />
I won't be wearing sandals again for quite some time.<br />
Because that toe is fucked up.<br />
8/1/2015Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14511768057507065605noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009972311046206953.post-48748100590458902332015-07-27T12:24:00.002-07:002015-07-27T12:24:54.582-07:00"Hike": This Fuckin' Guy Spends a Weekend Hiking.<div>
</div>
<div>
<u>Hike</u></div>
<div>
<u></u> </div>
<div>
<u>Prologue</u>:</div>
<div>
First, to expose a fucking artifice for what it fucking is:</div>
<div>
This is not an actual fucking diary<br data-mce-bogus="1" />I wrote all of this on the same fucking day (July 27).<br data-mce-bogus="1" />So, even though I fucking wrote it to make it look like a diary<br data-mce-bogus="1" />I am not fucking interested in convincing you</div>
<div>
That this is a fucking diary.</div>
<div>
Rather, I want to make it crystal fucking clear<br data-mce-bogus="1" />That this is not, in fucking fact, an actual fucking diary,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />So as not to be fucking misleading.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />So let's get fucking started.</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<u>Thursday, July 24, 5:30 PM</u>:<br data-mce-bogus="1" />I'm in the fucking hardware store<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Having a fucking set of keys made,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />And the music that is playing<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Is "Dueling Fucking Banjo's" --</div>
<div>
The fucking theme song from fucking <em><span style="font-family: Thread-00001fbc-Id-00001818;">Deliverance</span></em>.</div>
<div>
The motherfucker making the fucking keys </div>
<div>
Is talking to me about<br data-mce-bogus="1" />How the banjos are driving him fucking crazy and he can't fucking think,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />But I'm thinking about how in two days,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />I'm supposed to go on a fucking hike<br data-mce-bogus="1" />On the Appalachian Fucking Trail<br />And I don't want what happened to Ned Fucking Beatty <br data-mce-bogus="1" />To happen to me<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Or any one else I'll be hiking with,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />(Or to fucking anybody, really. It was really fucking fucked up what happened to<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Ned Fucking Beatty in Deliverance).</div>
<div>
(And yes, I fucking know that in <em><span style="font-family: Thread-00001fbc-Id-00001818;">Deliverance</span></em>,</div>
<div>
<div>
It's a fucking canoe trip; not a fucking hike.</div>
<div>
But for someone like me,</div>
<div>
Who spends very little fucking time in nature</div>
<div>
(Which is especially odd,</div>
<div>
Considering I like to consider myself</div>
<div>
A fucking nature poet),</div>
<div>
A fucking canoe trip</div>
<div>
And a fucking hike,</div>
<div>
Are the same fucking motherfucking difference).</div>
</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
But, so I'm wondering,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Is this a fucking sign? <br data-mce-bogus="1" />Should I not go?</div>
<div>
No, that's fucking stupid.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />It's not a fucking sign.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />But then, if I fucking go,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />And what happened to Ned Beatty<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Happens to me,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Then I'm going to feel really fucking stupid<br data-mce-bogus="1" />For tempting fucking fate.</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<u>Friday, July 24, 12:30 PM</u>:<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Well, it's all fucking set<br data-mce-bogus="1" />For fucking sure,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Ned Beatty or no,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />I'm fucking going.</div>
<div>
Wait--I'm fucking going?<br data-mce-bogus="1" />I'm going to hike 20 fucking miles </div>
<div>
On the fucking Appalachian Trail</div>
<div>
Over two fucking days?</div>
<div>
Am I out of my fucking mind?</div>
<div>
Do I realize how little fucking experience I have fucking hiking?<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Do I know how fucking old I am?<br data-mce-bogus="1" />I'm fucking old.</div>
<div>
Maybe it doesn't fucking matter how fucking old I am.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />There was a 79 year motherfucker who hiked the whole fucking AT,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />2200 miles of that shit.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />So I should be able to handle fucking 20.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Over one motherfucking weekend.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />10 miles on fucking Saturday,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Camp out overnight,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />10 more fucking miles on Sunday,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />And boom. Fucking done. Boom.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />That seems fucking doable.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Actually, that sounds like a really nice time.*</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<u>Saturday, July 25, 9:25 PM</u>:</div>
<div>
This fucking hike<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Started out pretty fucking hard<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Maybe 20 fucking minutes of pretty fucking steep uphill shit.</div>
<div>
But the whole fucking time,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />I'm thinking, it seems pretty fucking manageable.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />The hardest part for me, really,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Is when you pass motherfuckers going the other way,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />You're supposed to say hi to them.</div>
<div>
And that's just not my fucking way.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />But I do it. I say fucking hi to a shitload of motherfuckers </div>
<div>
Going the other fucking way.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />I don't fucking like it, but I fucking do it.</div>
<div>
And actually, </div>
<div>
I don't fucking like that I don't fucking like doing it.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />I feel like, I should get over that self conscious shit.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />I'm too fucking old to be this fucking self fucking conscious.</div>
<div>
One good thing--nobody looked like the <br data-mce-bogus="1" />"I'm going to Ned Beatty your ass" type.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Almost everybody on the fucking trail<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Seemed really fucking nice,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />And everybody else was at least ok.</div>
<div>
We didn't get as far as we fucking planned,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />So we will have to do 12 fucking miles tomorrow.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />But we will be up earlier<br data-mce-bogus="1" />We should be okay.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />We should be fucking fine.</div>
<div>
And this <em><span style="font-family: Thread-00001fbc-Id-00001818;">is</span></em> a really nice time,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Looking up through the motherfucking tent<br data-mce-bogus="1" />At the beautiful motherfucking trees.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Fucking fuck me.</div>
<div>
It's too fucking cloudy to see the fucking stars,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />But it's still very motherfucking beautiful.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />No fucking lie.</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<u>Sunday, July 26, 6:15 PM</u>:<br data-mce-bogus="1" />We fucking slept late, <br data-mce-bogus="1" />And I should be fucking panicking,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Like, how the fuck are we going to ever fucking finish this,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />And how the fuck am I going to handle <br data-mce-bogus="1" />These steep motherfucking descents<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Without breaking a motherfucking ankle?</div>
<div>
But I'm not fucking panicking.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />I'm fucking doing it:<br data-mce-bogus="1" />I'm fucking hiking,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />I'm drinking the water from the motherfucking waterfall<br data-mce-bogus="1" />(After purifying it, of course),<br data-mce-bogus="1" />And I'm saying hi to motherfuckers,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Even exchanging a few words with some of them.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />I'm fucking interacting with motherfuckers.</div>
<div>
<br data-mce-bogus="1" />I mean, don't get me fucking wrong,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />I'm still a fucking misanthrope a lot of the fucking time,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />And selfish, and self centered-- observe,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />For fucking example, <br data-mce-bogus="1" />How I haven't even taken the fucking time </div>
<div>
To even name the other people hiking with me<br data-mce-bogus="1" />(Rachel, Mike, Liz and Rick, </div>
<div>
And there's also a dog: Viola).<br data-mce-bogus="1" /><br data-mce-bogus="1" />Although that's as much to do<br data-mce-bogus="1" />With my result-oriented fucking nature<br data-mce-bogus="1" />As anything fucking else.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />I just want to finish writing this shit.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />I'm enjoying writing it,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />But it already feels fucking long,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />And I feel like it should be fucking done.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Just like, by the 17th or 18th fucking mile,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />I feel like this fucking hike should be done.</div>
<div>
So fucking result oriented:<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Like how I won't even stop to pick a fucking blackberry<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Off a motherfucking bush.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />But then, when Rachel picks them,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Fuck yes, I will eat those motherfuckers,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />And acknowledge that yes,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />They are motherfucking delicious.</div>
<div>
And I'm so fucking easily distracted<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Instead of just being fucking present,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />In the beautiful fucking eternal fucking now.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Mosquitos hum in my fucking ear,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />And I hear fucking "Summer's Caldron" by XTC.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />And then I can't get that fucking song out of my fucking head<br data-mce-bogus="1" />For fucking hours.</div>
<div>
Not to mention "Dueling Fucking Banjos."<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Which has been stuck in my fucking head <br data-mce-bogus="1" />All fucking weekend.</div>
<div>
And then, at one fucking point,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />I'm thinking, wait, what was that fucking thing,</div>
<div>
With the banjos and two people shouting at once?</div>
<div>
It's not a Monty Fucking Python fucking thing.</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
And then I remember: </div>
<div>
"Dueling Fucking Brandos."<br data-mce-bogus="1" />One of them was John Belushi,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />But who was the other motherfucker?</div>
<div>
That shit is going to bother me until<br data-mce-bogus="1" />I look that shit up<br data-mce-bogus="1" />But I'm not fucking going to do that now.</div>
<div>
It's bad enough I keep checking my fucking email.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Why can't I be off-fucking-line?<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Why can't I be off the fucking grid?<br data-mce-bogus="1" />I mostly am, and it's really fucking nice.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />But it is so fucking hard<br data-mce-bogus="1" />To not look that shit up.</div>
<div>
Like the other day,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />At the fucking Indian Restaurant,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />When they served some very large motherfucking dosas,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />And Ben had to look up<br data-mce-bogus="1" />"World's Largest Fucking Dosa,"<br data-mce-bogus="1" />I totally fucking understood.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />But of course, he probably doesn't do that shit </div>
<div>
When he's on a fucking hike.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />But can I not look that shit up?</div>
Can I?<br />
<br />
<div>
<u>Sunday, July 2, 7:45 PM</u>:</div>
<div>
Yes!<br data-mce-bogus="1" />I fucking did it!<br data-mce-bogus="1" />It's fucking done!<br data-mce-bogus="1" />I fucking made it!</div>
<div>
I made it the whole fucking twenty miles<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Without looking that shit up,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Or breaking my ankle,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Or getting fucking Beatty'd.</div>
<div>
Not only that,<br data-mce-bogus="1" />I would do that shit again.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />Soon.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />I really fucking would.<br data-mce-bogus="1" />I fucking would.</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<u>Monday, July 27, 2:00 PM</u>:<br data-mce-bogus="1" />It was Peter Fucking Boyle.</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
July 27, 2015</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
*<u>Note</u>: "That sounds like a really nice time" is non-registered trademark of This Fuckin' Guy.</div>
<div>
<br data-mce-bogus="1" /></div>
<div>
<br data-mce-bogus="1" /></div>
<div>
<br data-mce-bogus="1" /></div>
<div>
<br data-mce-bogus="1" /></div>
<div>
<br data-mce-bogus="1" /></div>
<div>
<br data-mce-bogus="1" /></div>
<div>
<br data-mce-bogus="1" /></div>
<div>
<br data-mce-bogus="1" /></div>
<div>
<br data-mce-bogus="1" /></div>
<div>
<br data-mce-bogus="1" /></div>
<div>
<br data-mce-bogus="1" /></div>
<div>
<br data-mce-bogus="1" /></div>
<div>
<br data-mce-bogus="1" /></div>
<div>
<br data-mce-bogus="1" /></div>
<div>
<br data-mce-bogus="1" /></div>
<div>
<br data-mce-bogus="1" /></div>
<div>
<br data-mce-bogus="1" /></div>
<div>
<br data-mce-bogus="1" /></div>
<div>
<br data-mce-bogus="1" /></div>
Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14511768057507065605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009972311046206953.post-27900027612483283832015-05-21T17:04:00.001-07:002015-05-21T18:31:51.035-07:00"Gym": This Fuckin' Guy Posts Twice in One Day.<u>Gym</u><br />
At the fucking gym<br />
(Yes, I fucking know.<br />
I don't seem like the type to go to fucking gym. I know I certainly don't fucking look like I go to the fucking gym),<br />
At the motherfucking climbing gym,<br />
(I know, I fucking know),<br />
The guy I was climbing with,<br />
Asked me about the fucking show<br />
At Shea Fucking Stadium,<br />
Which is a nightclub in fucking Bushwick.<br />
Where I'll be doing<br />
Some fucking poems<br />
With King Fucking Missile,<br />
On June 27th,<br />
And Schwervon is fucking playing too.<br />
<br />
So he says,<br />
"I've been climbing with a motherfucking rock star,"<br />
And I say,<br />
"I prefer the term 'has-been.'"<br />
<br />
And then I said,<br />
"Better a has-been than a never was, I guess,"<br />
In an effort to make myself feel a little fucking better.<br />
<br />
An effort which fucking failed,<br />
Because I don't even fucking know<br />
If I'm a fucking has-been<br />
Or a motherfucking never was.<br />
<br />
Oh, fuck me.<br />
I'm just in a motherfucking mood today.<br />
It will fucking pass,<br />
Just like every other fucking thing will pass.<br />
5/21/2015Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14511768057507065605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009972311046206953.post-21862391952532760182015-05-21T09:37:00.000-07:002015-05-21T09:37:06.662-07:00"IRT" and "NBC": This Fuckin' Guy Hears Some Mariachi Music and Sees a Fucking Clown--Or Does He? <div>
<u>IRT</u><br />On the IRT express going downtown this morning,<br />A motherfucking Mariachi trio sang Besame Mucho </div>
<div>
And I noticed that I wasn't fucking pissed off at all.</div>
<div>
<br />They were right fucking next to me<br />And really fucking loud<br />But they sounded great.</div>
<div>
Or maybe I was just in a good fucking mood.</div>
<div>
<br />Anyway, I gave them a fucking dollar, because, <br />Why the fuck not?</div>
<div>
Then, when I changed for the local at Chambers,<br />There's this fucking clown,</div>
<div>
An actual clown,<br />With a fucking red clown nose, and a big fucking bag full of clown shit. </div>
<div>
So, I was like, fuck me, I've got write this shit down right now.<br />And I pulled out my motherfucking phone<br />And wrote it down before we got to South Ferry.<br />Fuck yes.<br />5/21/2015</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<u>NBC</u><br />Then, on the way to the fucking office,<br />I pass the fucking Walgreens, <br />And there's a poster for "Red Nose Day,"<br />Some fucking thing that NBC is sponsoring,<br />And I look at the date and it's fucking today.</div>
<div>
<br />So I'm like,<br />Maybe that fucking clown on the 1 train n<br />Wasn't a fucking clown at all.</div>
<div>
<br />Which is funny,<br />(Do you know that one? Two cannibals are eating a fucking clown </div>
<div>
And one of them says, </div>
<div>
"Does this fucking clown </div>
<div>
Taste funny to you?"),</div>
<div>
It's funny because I was going to say,<br />In the last fucking poem,<br />That the clown looked funny:<br />Not like clown-funny,<br />But like not-a-clown-funny,<br />Like, fucking peculiar.</div>
<div>
<br />Like, he looked kind of sad,<br />Not sad clown-sad,<br />But like, just fucking sad, or fucking resigned, or some shit.</div>
<div>
Like, maybe he works for NBC, <br />And today, his fucking job </div>
<div>
Is to wear a red fucking nose </div>
<div>
And do some fucking clown shit.</div>
<div>
Which all of this fucking goes to show<br />You can't judge a clown by his motherfucking nose.</div>
<div>
Maybe those fucking Mariachis<br />Weren't fucking Mariachis either.<br />Who the fuck knows? <br />5/21/2015</div>
Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14511768057507065605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009972311046206953.post-52774605339123273952015-05-14T20:34:00.001-07:002015-05-14T20:34:43.367-07:00"Rude" and "Class": This Fuckin' Guy Disses Some People and Gets Schooled<div>
<u>Rude</u><br />It's really fucking rude of me<br />To be sitting here, watching Fin Divilly<br />And writing this fucking poem<br />Instead of giving him my undivided attention. <br />I mean, I'm giving him some attention,<br />But it's fucking divided:<br />My time is divided between the lovely fucking performance Fin is giving right now,<br />And this stupid fucking poem I'm writing.<br />I mean, Fin came all the fuck from Ireland,<br />And he's singing some really lovely motherfucking songs,<br />And I'm writing this shit.<br />And that's really motherfucking rude.<div>
<br /></div>
But what's even fucking ruder <br />Is that after Fin finishes his performance, <br />I'm going to go on next, <br />And read this poem,<br />And maybe one more,<br />And then I'm going to have to leave,<br />And probably not watch any of the other performers.<br />I mean, that's really fucking rude.<br />I'm really fucking sorry. <br />It's just I've got this class in less than an hour,<br />And I've got to get over there. <br />I'm really fucking sorry,<br />I really shouldn't be a part of this open mic at all, <br />If I'm not going to have the decency to fucking listen to anyone else. <br />But I fucking am part of this mic--<br />The fucking worst, the fucking rudest, motherfucking part of this mic.<div>
<br /></div>
And I realize that it's fucking disingenuous of me to be fucking castigating myself like this,<br />Hoping that some of you might think, "This Fuckin' guy should give himeself a motherfucking break, it's not like he's setting fire to a motherfucking rainforest or raping a frog,<br />He's just being fucking rude to 15 fucking people at an open mic,"<br />But to that I would say: fuck you.<br />This is what I fucking do.<br />I do reprehensible motherfucking things and then appogize,<br />And then fucking hate myself.<br />I'm fucking sorry.<br />I really fucking am.<br />5/14/2015<div>
<br /></div>
<u>Class</u><br />I made it to my motherfucking class<br />By running like seven or 8 motherfucking blocks from the bar where the mic was at to the motherfucking G train<br />And that motherfucker was pulling into thw station just as I was running down the fucking stairs.<div>
<br /></div>
And the class was pretty fucking good.<br />All in all, the evening went pretty fucking well,<br />Except I still fucking hate myself a little bit for being rude.<div>
<br /></div>
So I guess the next time I go to that mic,<br />I better make sure I don't have any other fucking thing planned.<br />I guess I better stay for the whole fucking thing.<br />It's the least fucking thing I could do. <br />I don’t want people to think I don't have any fucking class.<br />Oh, you see what I fucking did just there? <br />Ok, now I hate myself even more.<br />5/14/2015</div>
Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14511768057507065605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009972311046206953.post-75737936295525752932015-05-11T12:55:00.002-07:002015-05-11T13:13:23.865-07:00"Back?," "Beck?," "Winter," "Spring," "Snow," "Penske," "Pepsi," "Why?," and "Thanks": This Fuckin' Guy Wonders if he's Back, Writes a Bunch of Poems, Gives Thanks, and Still Wonders.<u>Back?</u><br />
It's been almost five fucking months, and a shitload of shit has happened,<br />
But I haven't fucking felt like fucking writing.<br />
<br />
That's not exactly fucking true--now and then, <br />
I've fucking felt like it.<br />
But I fucking didn't.<br />
<br />
Like, when Winter went on and on and on and fucking on,<br />
I thought I'd write a poem about that,<br />
But then I fucking didn't.<br />
I just fucking didn't.<br />
<br />
And when Spring finally fucking came,<br />
I wanted to write some shit about that as well:<br />
<br />
I had a couple of fucking epiphanies<br />
While looking at some motherfucking trees,<br />
<br />
And I thought to myself,<br />
<em>I'm a motherfucking nature poet,</em><br />
<em>It would be the most natural fucking thing in the world </em><br />
<em>For me to write about this shit.</em><br />
<br />
But I fucking didn't.<br />
I kept fucking telling myself,<br />
Maybe I will,<br />
But I fucking didn't.<br />
<br />
This morning, I was going to get on a motherfucking Citibike,<br />
And ride into work like I fucking used to do,<br />
But I saw some motherfucker <br />
Taking the last fucking bike,<br />
And I thought,<br />
<em>Fuck this, I'll take the fucking train:</em><br />
<em></em><br />
<em>I'll get in early, and write a fucking poem </em><br />
<em>About how pissed off I was about not getting a fucking bike this morning</em>,<br />
<br />
But I fucking didn't. <br />
I fucking got distracted with personal fucking shit,<br />
As I am fucking wont to fucking do.<br />
<br />
But I've been sitting here for a few hours,<br />
And there doesn't seem to be a fuck of a lot to do today,<br />
So why the fuck not?<br />
Why don't I just write a bunch of fucking poems until<br />
I get fucking tired of writing fucking poems?<br />
<br />
Fuck yes. Fuck yes.<br />
That sounds like a really nice time.<br />
<br />
Maybe I'm back.<br />
Or maybe this is a motherfucking fluke.<br />
5/11/2015<br />
<br />
<br />
<u>Beck?</u><br />
Should I write a poem about Beck?<br />
I really fucking loved that album he put out last year.<br />
I haven't listened to it for several fucking months,<br />
Although I think about the songs on it all the fucking time.<br />
<br />
I used to know that motherfucker.<br />
He was always fucking nice to me.<br />
The last time we were in a room together,<br />
He came up and started talking to me,<br />
Which was really fucking nice.<br />
<br />
I'm really fucking shy:<br />
One of the reasons I write poems and fucking read them in front of people<br />
Is so that people will come and talk to me.<br />
<br />
Of course, sometimes people talk too fucking much <br />
And I want to get the fuck away from them, <br />
And then I feel bad about being such a fucking misanthrope,<br />
And I wonder why the fuck I can't just be fucking gracious,<br />
And fucking grateful.<br />
<br />
I've been thinking a lot about back in the fucking day,<br />
When Beck, and Paleface, and Roger Fucking Manning,<br />
And Billy Fucking Syndrome, and Michelle Shocked,<br />
And Brenda Fucking Kahn, and Winchester Fucking Chimes,<br />
And Mike and Steve, and Steve and Mike,<br />
And David Fucking Chelsea,<br />
Sarah Fucking Hauser,<br />
Impala,<br />
And Evil Fucking Jim,<br />
And a million other motherfuckers<br />
And me,<br />
Used to gather on Sunday nights<br />
At ABC No Rio,<br />
And perform our shit.<br />
That was a really nice time.<br />
<br />
And of course, <br />
Having just fucking written all those fucking names, <br />
I'm thinking about a bunch of motherfuckers<br />
I didn't name, and wondering whether I should.<br />
<br />
But I won't. Fuck it.<br />
Some of them I don't remember their last names.<br />
And some of them I don't remember their names at all.<br />
And some of them I don't fucking remember at all.<br />
And some of them--oh, never fucking mind.<br />
<br />
Fuck.<br />
This poem isn't about Beck.<br />
I guess I shouldn't write a poem about Beck.<br />
5/11/2015<br />
<br />
<br />
<u>Winter</u><br />
But I should write a poem about Winter.<br />
This last Winter was a motherfucking motherfucker!<br />
I'm fucking serious.<br />
I'm still fucking thinking about how fucking cold<br />
That motherfucking Winter was.<br />
<br />
If you go back and look at all the shit I wrote last August,<br />
I don't think you will find that I complained all that fucking much<br />
About the heat.<br />
I may not have complained at all about the motherfucking heat.<br />
I like to think I can handle the heat,<br />
No matter how fucking hot it fucking gets.<br />
<br />
But the cold: fuck the cold. Fuck the cold. Fuck the cold!<br />
I hate it when it's motherfucking cold.<br />
I hate the cold so motherfucking much,<br />
That now, in May,<br />
I'm still pissed off about it.<br />
Of course, that's probably partly due to the fact<br />
That it was pretty fucking cold just last fucking month.<br />
So I'm still fucking bitter about the bitter motherfucking cold.<br />
<br />
And I even missed a couple of fucking weeks of it<br />
When I went to New Zealand,<br />
But I'm still fucking pissed off about this last motherfucking Winter we just had.<br />
Fuck that fucking Winter. Fuck it.<br />
<br />
People complain about how in New York<br />
There's no fucking Spring:<br />
Like it's Spring for a week and a fucking half,<br />
And then it's fucking Summer.<br />
<br />
And it does kind of feel like it's summer right now.<br />
And it did fucking feel like Winter<br />
Just a couple of fucking weeks ago.<br />
<br />
But I'm not fucking complaining,<br />
Because it's not fucking Winter any more.<br />
Fuck fucking Winter.<br />
Fuck you, fucking Winter.<br />
I fucking hate you, motherfucker.<br />
I fucking hate your motherfucking guts.<br />
<br />
Snow is nice every now and fucking then.<br />
After I write my next poem,<br />
Called "Spring,"<br />
Maybe I'll write one called "Snow."<br />
But I don't fucking know.<br />
<br />
But fuck Winter. Fuck Winter. Fuck Winter.<br />
I fucking hate Winter.<br />
<br />
You'd think I'd be over it by now,<br />
But you'd be wrong.<br />
<br />
Fuck Winter.<br />
5/11/2015<br />
<br />
<br />
<u>Spring</u><br />
Fuck Yes! <br />
Spring!<br />
The buds fucking blooming!<br />
The blooming fucking buds<br />
On the fucking magnolia tree!<br />
<br />
The fucking cherry blossoms!<br />
Are you fucking kidding me?<br />
So motherfucking beautiful<br />
I can't even fucking stand it.<br />
<br />
As I get older,<br />
My fucking allergies kick up,<br />
But I don't give a motherfucking shit.<br />
Spring is totally fucking great:<br />
<br />
The days get fucking longer,<br />
And I just feel like I have all this fucking energy<br />
I just want to Go Man Go!<br />
I just want to move!<br />
I just want to run, or ride a motherfucking bike, or<br />
I don't fucking know.<br />
I just want to do stuff.<br />
Get out and go.<br />
It's fucking great.<br />
<br />
People say they like having four fucking seasons.<br />
Do I like it?<br />
I don't fucking know.<br />
I love Spring, I like Summer, I love the fucking Fall<br />
But--I don't know if you've heard--<br />
I fucking hate Winter.<br />
<br />
Maybe I'd like having three seasons?<br />
I don't fucking know.<br />
It would probably depend on where I'd have to go<br />
To experience that shit.<br />
<br />
But right now,<br />
I'm experiencing <em>this</em> shit,<br />
And it's really fucking nice.<br />
I fucking love the motherfucking Spring.<br />
5/11/2015<br />
<br />
<br />
<u>Snow</u><br />
One fucked up thing about not having a Winter<br />
Would be that there would be no fucking snow.<br />
I think that that would motherfucking suck.<br />
I like snow every once in a fucking while.<br />
<br />
But only every little once in a while.<br />
<em>Bring me little water, Silvy</em>...<br />
<br />
You know, the last fucking thing<br />
You would think that I would think about<br />
When thinking about the motherfucking snow,<br />
Would be Leadbelly, but:<br />
<em></em><br />
<em>B</em><em>ring Me Little Water, Silvy</em>?<br />
Are you fucking kidding me?<br />
What a great fucking song!<br />
<br />
And now I'm thinking about the only fucking time<br />
I thought the sound at that piece of shit Avery Fischer Hall<br />
Ever fucking sounded fucking good,<br />
Was that time Casey and I were up in the fucking balcony,<br />
Listening to Sweet Honey in the Motherfucking Rock.<br />
<br />
They sang <em>Bring Me Little Water, Sylvy</em>.<br />
and that shit was fucking magical.<br />
Fucking other-worldly.<br />
Oh my fucking God.<br />
<br />
That was more than 20 fucking years ago,<br />
But I still remember it like it was fucking yesterday,<br />
But I just googled "Sweet Honey in the Rock: Silvy"<br />
And it wasn't like I remembered.<br />
It was still fucking beautiful, but a different kind of fucking beautiful.<br />
<br />
But: Snow. <br />
Snow is fucking beautiful.<br />
It's a cliché to talk about when it covers the city<br />
Like a motherfucking blanket,<br />
But when it does that,<br />
And it's so fucking quiet and calm,<br />
Like the whole fucking city is asleep<br />
Under a motherfucking blanket.<br />
<br />
And when there's so much fucking snow<br />
That the city shuts down for a few hours<br />
Or a day,<br />
That can be really fucking nice,<br />
Even if you aren't a fucking kid,<br />
Even if you've got a million other fucking things to do,<br />
Even if it fucks up your shit,<br />
Snow can be really fucking nice.<br />
<br />
But snow all the time would probably fucking suck.<br />
As much as I love the fucking snow sometimes,<br />
I think I would rather never see another fucking flake,<br />
Then to have to be in the fucking snow every fucking day.<br />
<br />
Plus, if I lived where there was fucking snow all the time,<br />
That might mean I'd be living with the fucking Inuits,<br />
And <em>that</em> would mean I'd probably be eating fucking fish.<br />
And I don't want to be eating fucking fish.<br />
I don't want to be living in the 24-7-365 snow with the motherfucking Inuits.<br />
Fishing in the motherfucking ice and fucking snow.<br />
No. That does not sound like a really nice time.<br />
<br />
I mean, the Inuits might be perfectly wonderful motherfuckers.<br />
That's not the point. It's just that I don't want to be fishing.<br />
And I definitely don't want to be fishing in the fucking cold.<br />
And the fucking ice,<br />
And the fucking snow.<br />
Because really, there's very little I want to do <br />
In the fucking ice,<br />
And the fucking snow,<br />
And the motherfucking, fucking, fucking cold.<br />
<br />
So when all is fucking said and fucking done,<br />
As motherfucking beautiful as it is,<br />
I guess I'm more against the snow than fucking for it,<br />
Which I guess is internally consistent <br />
With my "I fucking hate Winter" fucking stance.<br />
5/11/2015<br />
<br />
<br />
<u>Penske</u><br />
I feel like I should write at least one more.<br />
And I like to start with a title,<br />
And I looked over to my right,<br />
And there's an add for Penske in the browser<br />
For some fucking reason,<br />
So, okay:<br />
<br />
I think Penske are motherfuckers.<br />
And I've always fucking thought this.<br />
<br />
I remember the first time I saw a fucking truck<br />
That said "Hertz/Penske" on it,<br />
I thought, <em>Oh shit.</em> <em>What the fuck is this?:</em><br />
<em>Hertz is a much nicer name than Penske.</em><br />
<em>Who the fuck is Penske?</em><br />
<br />
Back whenever the fuck that was,<br />
You couldn't just look shit up on the Internet.<br />
Or maybe you could, but there wasn't any fucking Google<br />
So I was just left to fucking wonder, and be fucking bitter.<br />
Penske.<br />
What a shitty fucking name.<br />
So I just now googled it, of fucking course:<br />
Roger Penske.<br />
He gave $500,000.00 to a Mitt Romney PAC.<br />
But I'm not even going to go there. Fuck that.<br />
Here's what I want to say:<br />
<br />
You make a shitload of money,<br />
Then you fucking buy Hertz,<br />
And then you fucking rename the company Hertz/Penske<br />
And then you rename it again to just fucking Penske?<br />
Can't you see that Hertz is a much better fucking name?<br />
You keep the same fucking logo and design,<br />
You want people to subliminally keep thinking of Hertz,<br />
But you also want people to know, <em>This is mine now</em>.<br />
<em>I won the pissing contest.</em><br />
<em>I pissed all over Hertz.</em><br />
<em>I pissed all over Hertz so fucking much </em><br />
<em>That you can't even see the Hertz name anymore.</em><br />
<em>Just me. Me, me. me. Penkse!</em><br />
<br />
Fuck you, Penske.<br />
Fuck you and your ugly fucking name.<br />
Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you, Penske.<br />
<br />
If you ever catch me trying to rent something from Penske,<br />
Shoot me in my motherfucking dick.<br />
<br />
Oh shit, that sounds bad. <br />
That sounds like I fucked my mother with my dick.<br />
I never did that. For the record: I never fucked my mother with my dick.<br />
Nor is that going on my fucking Bucket List.<br />
I'm just saying, shoot me if you ever catch me trying to rent from Penske.<br />
Shoot me wherever the fuck you want to shoot me.<br />
It doesn't have to be my fucking dick.<br />
<br />
I guess I should say<br />
That if your name happens to be Penske,<br />
But you're not that Penske,<br />
The one that erased Hertz from the face of the earth<br />
Because of your fucking ego,<br />
Then I'm sorry that I said your name is ugly.<br />
<br />
But if you are that Penske, then I'm not sorry, and you should go fuck yourself.<br />
<br />
I realize that this shouldn't matter to me.<br />
Penske. What the fuck's the difference?<br />
What do I fucking care?<br />
I don't fucking know: I just fucking do.<br />
It's like my thing about fucking Pepsi.<br />
About which, see my next fucking poem, entitled <em>Pepsi.</em><br />
<br />
Yeah, that's right. I'm not fucking done.<br />
I've got at least one more motherfucker.<br />
<br />
I fucking hate Pepsi, and I fucking hate Penske.<br />
<br />
But fuck you Penske: goodbye.<br />
Hello Pepsi. Motherfucker. It's on.<br />
5/11/2015<br />
<br />
<br />
<u>Pepsi</u><br />
I have always, always, always hated Pepsi.<br />
Back in the day,<br />
I would walk right the fuck out of pizza places,<br />
And boycott fucking restaurants,<br />
Just because they don't have Coke--just Pepsi.<br />
<br />
Pepsi has always just seemed like bullshit Coke.<br />
I've never liked the name, although suddenly,<br />
I'm noticing it looks vaguely fucking Italian,<br />
So now, maybe I like the name a teeny tiny fucking bit more,<br />
But mostly, still, no: it's a shitty fucking name.<br />
Like Penske.<br />
<br />
But it's not the just the fucking name. <br />
It's the motherfucking fucking drink itself:<br />
It's too fucking sweet, which is fucking weird for me to say,<br />
Because I will eat some sweet motherfucking desserts,<br />
And some really sweet fucking cereal sometimes,<br />
But Pepsi's just too fucking sweet for me.<br />
<br />
And it's also too fucking soft. <br />
It's a soft motherfucking drink.<br />
<br />
And I guess, okay, it's a soft drink, <br />
Maybe it's supposed to be soft, but fuck:<br />
A soft drink can be too fucking soft, just like anything else.<br />
Like a pillow can be too fucking soft too. Am I fucking right?<br />
Of course I'm fucking right.<br />
<br />
You know, when I say, <em>Of course I'm fucking right</em>,<br />
I realize that sounds very fucking assertive,<br />
But I'm not that fucking assertive.<br />
<br />
Marshall McLuhan called his ideas probes,<br />
And I always thought he wasn't as concerned<br />
With whether you fucking agreed with him,<br />
But with whether what he was saying<br />
Was interesting or not--whether it probed your mind or consciousness or heart<br />
Or whatever the fuck.<br />
And maybe he wasn't always sure about what he was saying:<br />
Maybe he wasn't fucking asserting that the medium is the message.<br />
Maybe he was just saying, <em>Yo, do any of you motherfuckers out there</em><br />
<em>Think the medium might be the fucking message? </em><br />
<em>If so, what do you think that fucking means?</em><br />
<em>If not, why not? And regardless, </em><br />
<em>Does thinking about it make you feel anything?</em><br />
<em>Because I'm not saying the medium and the message are exact fucking equivalents.</em><br />
<em>I'm just saying, maybe, kind of sort, maybe. Maybe.</em><br />
<em>I'm not trying to fucking convince you.</em><br />
<em>I'm just fucking saying.</em><br />
<br />
So, similarly, I don't fucking care <br />
Whether you think a soft drink can be too fucking soft,<br />
Or whether you think Coke is better than Pepsi.<br />
Or whatever.<br />
<br />
I used to, though: <br />
I used to judge Pepsi people really fucking harshly.<br />
Now I don't give a fucking shit.<br />
<br />
Am I mellowing?<br />
<br />
I may be fucking mellowing, <br />
But I'm never going to be so fucking mellow<br />
That I'm going to be okay with drinking fucking Pepsi instead of Coke.<br />
<br />
On the other fucking hand, <br />
I will generally take Mountain Fucking Dew, which is made by Pepsi,<br />
Over Mello Fucking Yello, which is made by Coke,<br />
Even though Mountain Fucking Dew's new logo makes me sick just looking at it.<br />
<br />
But yes, <br />
I have fucking mellowed.<br />
This is how I've mellowed:<br />
<br />
First, if I go to the fucking empanada place<br />
Where you get a free drink with the empanada/rice and beans combo,<br />
And all they have is Pepsi,<br />
I'll get the fucking Diet Cherry Pepsi.<br />
It's not that fucking bad. <br />
It's not that fucking great,<br />
But it's not that fucking bad.<br />
It's not too fucking soft. <br />
It's not that fucking sweet.<br />
<br />
And if I'm at a place where I really need a fucking soda,<br />
And all they fucking have is Pepsi shit,<br />
Sometimes I'll just have a fucking Mountain Dew.<br />
If it's in a glass, and I can't see that new fucking logo,<br />
It's not that fucking bad.<br />
<br />
Or maybe it fucking is;<br />
Maybe I have no fucking self-respect.<br />
Maybe I don't give a shit what I put in my fucking body<br />
As long as it's fucking vegan.<br />
I don't fucking know.<br />
<br />
But fuck Pepsi.<br />
And while I'm at it, fuck Penske again.<br />
I hate that motherfucker.<br />
5/11/2015<br />
<br />
<br />
<u>Why?</u><br />
Why am I writing all this shit today?<br />
I don't fucking know. It's hard to fucking say.<br />
<br />
Why didn't I write a fucking thing last week or yesterday?<br />
I don't fucking know. It's hard to fucking say.<br />
<br />
Will I write more tomorrow, or next week, or later today?<br />
I don't fucking know. It's motherfucking hard to say.<br />
<br />
I'm hungry and I have to take a piss.<br />
I haven't gotten up since I sat down to write.<br />
Once I get up, I'm afraid I might<br />
Not want to write anymore; something will be amiss<br />
But motherfuck, I really have to piss. Fuck this.<br />
5/11/2015<br />
<br />
<br />
<u>Thanks</u><br />
And now I'm motherfucking blank again.<br />
I can only fucking think of one more fucking thing to say:<br />
<br />
Thanks to whatever the fuck it is, <br />
Inside me, beyond me,<br />
Within me, without me,<br />
That allows me to lose myself and find myself <br />
In motherfucking words.<br />
<u></u><br />
And thanks to anyone who might be reading this shit.<br />
I could say that the writing is enough, and in a way, it fucking is.<br />
<br />
But often, what fucking keeps me going<br />
Is the possibility that someone might fucking read this,<br />
Or that somebody might fucking hear it,<br />
Now, or later, or after I'm dead,<br />
And might fucking like it,<br />
Or be fucking inspired by it,<br />
Or maybe just appreciate the momentary diversion,<br />
Or whatever the fucking motherfucking fuck.<br />
<br />
So thank you, if you've gotten this far.<br />
Whenever and wherever and whoever the fuck you are.<br />
<br />
It's wrong to say I can't fucking do it without you: I can. <br />
But I don't think I would. <br />
So fucking thanks.<br />
5/11/2015Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14511768057507065605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009972311046206953.post-29331824250092167792014-12-15T06:45:00.001-08:002014-12-15T07:17:15.116-08:00"Weather", "Tchaikovsky," "Ligeti," and "Gorecki":This Fucking Guy goes On About the Weather, and a Few Composers He Happens to Fucking Like <br />
<div class="post-header">
<div class="post-header-line-1">
</div>
</div>
<div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-8822223669813571144" itemprop="description articleBody">
<u>Weather</u><br />
You know,<br />
If I had had <br />
Any fucking idea<br />
What the temperature was<br />
Before I motherfucking left for work<br />
I would have brought my fucking bike helmet<br />
And rode down here.<br />
I feel like I really fucking missed out.<br />
<br />
But I can't blame the motherfucking weather<br />
I should have fucking checked the fucking weather<br />
Then I would have fucking known<br />
<br />
Ok, I just checked the weather<br />
It's like 6, maybe 7 degrees Celsius<br />
Colder than I fucking thought<br />
If I had seen that before I left,<br />
I would've been like, "Fuck that,<br />
That's too motherfucking cold."<br />
<br />
But it wouldn't have fucking been<br />
It would have been a really nice motherfucking time<br />
So what the fuck?<br />
What the fuck should I have fucking done?<br />
12/15/2014<br />
<u></u><br />
<u></u><br />
<u>Tchaikovsky</u><br />
Yes, 'tis the fucking season<br />
When I fucking find myself<br />
Listening to a lot of Tchaikovsky<br />
<br />
Now, I like that motherfucker<br />
There are so many nice fucking tunes <br />
In the motherfucking <em>Nutcracker</em><br />
That it blows my motherfucking mind <br />
Every fucking time<br />
<br />
I don't actually know that much about Tchaikovsky<br />
I've maybe heard a tenth of the shit he's composed<br />
<br />
I'd like to hear more. Fuck yes, I'd like to hear more.<br />
<br />
But there's so much out there I'd like to heart more of,<br />
And then there's all the fucking movies,<br />
And apparently there's some good fucking television happening<br />
All this other fucking shit<br />
<br />
It's fucking wild how much fucking shit there is.<br />
But I do hope I get to more Tchaikovsky<br />
12/15/2014<br />
<br />
<br />
<u>Ligeti</u><br />
Now this motherfucker, Ligeti<br />
Let me fucking tell you:<br />
I love that motherfucker.<br />
I was like in my 20's, and I said to Charles<br />
(He played the fucking cello on <em>They</em> and <em>Failure</em>),<br />
<br />
"This crazy fucking music in <em>2001</em>--do you know what that is?"<br />
(I figured he would know--fucking Juliard and shit).<br />
And he was like, "Fuck yes" <br />
(Charles did not say "Fuck yes"--he was like, "Fuck yes."<br />
I've drawn this fucking distinction before. Ad fucking nauseam.<br />
A lot of TFG is ad fucking nauseam.)<br />
<br />
Charles was like, "That's Ligeti."<br />
And I was like, "Oh. Okay. Ligeti."<br />
I got a bunch of CDs, and fuck me, <br />
I fucking love this guy.<br />
<br />
Shortly after <em>Eyes Wide Shut</em> came out<br />
I saw this motherfucking comedian<br />
I don't remember who the fuck it was<br />
Making fun of the music in it<br />
Which was also Ligeti<br />
And I wanted to kill this ignorant motherfucker<br />
<br />
Anyway, I'm not thinking about Ligeti<br />
Because Tchaikovsky reminds me of Ligeti<br />
He fucking doesn't. Not at all.<br />
It's because last Wednesday,<br />
I finally got to see Ligeti's <em>Requiem</em><br />
Performed live.<br />
And before you fucking say to me,<br />
"How the fuck can you say <br />
You're such a big fucking fan of Ligeti<br />
And you haven't even ever heard the <em>Requiem</em> live?"<br />
And you would have a point,<br />
Except for the fact that<br />
This was the first time the <em>Requiem</em> <br />
Had ever been performed in New York.<br />
And I'm not one of those motherfuckers<br />
Who travels to other fucking cities<br />
Just to hear music <br />
I've never fucking heard.<br />
<br />
Maybe one day, I'll be one of those motherfuckers<br />
But not today.<br />
<br />
And no, I didn't go see <em>2001</em> with live orchestra last year<br />
For several reasons:<br />
The main reason was: the money I saved not buying that ticket<br />
Bought me the ticket to the <em>Requiem,</em><br />
And tickets to six more fucking American Symphony Orchestra concerts.<br />
And the other reason is that it was in Avery Fisher Fucking Hall<br />
It's a shit room.<br />
That's no fucking secret.<br />
<br />
Although I love Ligeti so much<br />
That when the Philharmonic did<em> Le Grand Macabre</em><br />
A few fucking years ago<br />
I was on that shit like white on fucking rice,<br />
Even though it was in Avery Fucking Fisher.<br />
Now that is fucking love.<br />
12/15/2014<br />
<br />
<br />
<u>Gorecki</u><br />
Ok, now I'm on a roll,<br />
So I'd like to give a shout out<br />
To motherfucking Gorecki,<br />
About whom all I know <br />
is the <em>Symphony of Sorrowful Songs</em><br />
That is some of the saddest fucking music<br />
Anybody ever fucking wrote<br />
<br />
There have been some beautiful songs of sorrow:<br />
<em>Man of Constant Sorrow</em>, would be an obvious one<br />
And Hank Williams has wrote a motherfucking bunch<br />
And there's all that fucking blues music.<br />
<br />
But fuck me: <em>Symphony of Sorrowful Songs</em><br />
That shit is beautiful<br />
And so fucking sad.<br />
I think I'm going to listen to that shit right now.<br />
Because I really don't fucking feel like<br />
Writing about Mozart now.<br />
Maybe another time.<br />
Maybe I'll write about Bach<br />
After I see the motherfucking <em>Brandenburgs</em><br />
Tomorrow fucking night.<br />
12/15/2014 </div>
Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14511768057507065605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009972311046206953.post-17664211914640488652014-12-10T05:56:00.001-08:002014-12-10T06:07:18.457-08:00"Report": This Fuckin' Guy is Pissed Off About Some Fucking Bullshit<div>
<u>Report</u></div>
<div>
So a fucking Senate report comes out</div>
<div>
That is basically the same</div>
<div>
As the motherfucking Red Cross report from </div>
<div>
Two thousand and fucking seven</div>
<div>
And these motherfuckers all over the fucking place<br />
Are acting like this is fucking news?<br />
<br />
Asking if torture is really fucking torture?</div>
<div>
Fuck you.<br />
<br />
I mean, ok:</div>
<div>
It's not like I fucking go to the mainstream fucking news media<br />
For fucking news.<br />
I go because I like to know what people are being told.<br />
</div>
<div>
And of course, people are being told bullshit, <br />
Like that old fucking song:<br />
"In Leningrad, the people say"<br />
(Just fucking google it),</div>
<div>
<br />
But it's fucking worse than that<br />
We're all fucking being told,<br />
"It's okay, you didn't know."</div>
<div>
Fuck you you didn't know.<br />
<br />
You don't have to read the fucking New York Review of Books<br />
(You should, but you don't have to)<br />
You don't have to read fucking Truthout,<br />
Or The Nation,<br />
Or the Progress Report,<br />
Or whatever the fuck.<br />
To tell you the fucking truth,<br />
I don't read a lot of that shit myself.<br />
<br />
And I'm no fucking genius.</div>
<div>
<br />
But you could figure this out from watching Fox fucking News<br />
And maybe you fucking did.</div>
But fucking regardless, you fucking knew.<br />
<div>
Of course you fucking knew.<br />
<br />
You knew, I knew, Obama fucking knew, Bush knew, the Clintons fucking knew.</div>
<div>
<div>
I mean, fucking Abu Graib</div>
<div>
Was two thousand and fucking three, for fuck's sake.</div>
<div>
Everybody fucking knew this already.</div>
</div>
<div>
And we all fucking let it fucking happen.<br />
</div>
<div>
The only thing I fucking learned this morning<br />
Was that the people who put the fucking torture program together<br />
Got 80 fucking million dollars to do it.<br />
<br />
But, I mean, come on.<br />
It's not like I ever thought they fucking did it for free.<br />
<br />
And it's not like that's a lot of fucking money anyway.<br />
This country would never fucking torture people<br />
Unless there was a shitload of money to be made.</div>
<div>
<br />
I have no fucking idea how quickly </div>
<div>
We made that money back in fucking oil,<br />
But it was probably pretty fucking quick.<br />
12/10/2014</div>
Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14511768057507065605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009972311046206953.post-9957992547597388162014-11-09T07:27:00.002-08:002014-11-09T20:01:52.203-08:00"Cucumbers," "Block," "Spit," and "Assessment": This Fuckin' Guy Discusses Himself and His Process, Engages in Self Promotion, And Comes Up With Something, Maybe, While Listening to PiL.<u>Cucumbers</u><br />
Damn, my last poem was almost two fucking weeks ago?<br />
Did you fucking miss me?<br />
I fucking missed me.<br />
What the fuck have I been fucking doing?<br />
<br />
Well, my job, for one thing--<br />
I do have a fucking job,<br />
And a daughter,<br />
These are matters of public fucking record,<br />
<br />
But the real and actual reason<br />
I've been a little missing in fucking action<br />
Is I haven't had a fucking thing to say.<br />
<br />
Or like maybe the things I might have thought<br />
Would make good fucking poems<br />
I'm not so fucking sure about anymore.<br />
<br />
Like last fucking Sunday,<br />
A week ago today,<br />
I was at a fucking party,<br />
And we were talking about cucumbers,<br />
And I was like, "Fuck yes, cucumbers,<br />
They are very really fucking refreshing and shit,"<br />
And so on,<br />
And yes, I really do fucking like fucking cucumbers,<br />
But even as I was talking about it,<br />
As Ray's motherfucking party,<br />
I was thinking, "Fuck me, This Fuckin' Guy<br />
Is really scaping the bottom of the motherfucking barrel."<br />
And I could tell that I wasn't the only one<br />
Who fucking thought so.<br />
<br />
I mean, no fucking offense to motherfucking cucumbers,<br />
Which really are fucking awesome,<br />
But, I just don't think so, you know?<br />
<br />
And it's fucking been like that for some fucking time now.<br />
I think I'm running out of fucking steam, is all.<br />
Don't know if I'm fucking done, or just taking a motherfucking break,<br />
Or what the fuck.<br />
And who the fuck knows what's going to happen next?<br />
Maybe tomorrow, four or five new motherfucking poems.<br />
It's fucking happened before.<br />
But I fucking realize, of course.<br />
These four are not four.<br />
"Spit" is the only real one today.<br />
Just fucking saying that I fucking know this, ok?<br />
11/9/2014<br />
<br />
<br />
<u>Block</u><br />
Because I don't want to be one of those motherfucking ratbastards<br />
That go on and fucking on about being fucking blocked<br />
Even though maybe I'm fucking blocked.<br />
(Maybe?)<br />
I could give a shitload of motherfucking excuses as to why, right now,<br />
In this motherfucking moment,<br />
It's not fucking working for me:<br />
I'm in a coffee shop,<br />
But so fucking what?<br />
I've written some good fucking poems in coffee shops before.<br />
<br />
And I'm using my phone and bluetooth keyboard to write this shit,<br />
Because that's the best I've fucking got right now,<br />
My laptop is motherfucking heavy,<br />
Tired of carrying that motherfucking around all the fucking time,<br />
But so fucking what?<br />
I've used my phone and keyboard to write fucking poems before,<br />
And it was fucking fine.<br />
<br />
And the motherfucking mp3 player<br />
That I brought with me<br />
To drown out the motherfucking noise in this motherfucking coffee shop,<br />
Has absolutely no classical fucking music on it,<br />
In fact, it has no fucking instrumental music on it at all,<br />
And it's hard to write poems when I'm fucking distracted by vocals<br />
<br />
This is all bullshit though:<br />
I've made a good music choice, I think:<br />
The third PiL album,<br />
And after that, the second.<br />
Great fucking shit on both those fucking records<br />
(Listening to "Francis Massacre" now, which practically is a fucking instrumental),<br />
So I've got no fucking excuses.<br />
No fucking excuses at all.<br />
So....Fuck me.<br />
<br />
I'm moving on to the next motherfucking poem now,<br />
If that's all motherfucking right with you. Okay?<br />
11/9/2014<br />
<br />
<br />
<u>Spit</u><br />
Okay, this is maybe worth mentioning:<br />
I'm walking toward the subway yesterday,<br />
And as I'm fucking passing a motherfucking homeless guy,<br />
I hear him hock, and then say,<br />
"Can you spare any motherfucking change?"<br />
<br />
And I know this fucking game, I fucking think:<br />
I give this motherfucker some money,<br />
Or he fucking spits on me,<br />
Or maybe I give him some fucking money,<br />
And maybe he spits on me any fucking way.<br />
<br />
I say, "I'm sorry,"<br />
Because I fucking suck,<br />
Because I'm fucking texting California<br />
To ask about the fucking flight to New Zealand<br />
(Did I tell you I'm going to fucking New Zealand in February<br />
With LoveyDove? Well, I motherfucking am. Fucking, nice right?)<br />
(If I saw you, I probably did fucking tell you,<br />
Because I'm fucking telling everybody.)<br />
<br />
But the fucking point being,<br />
I'm too fucking busy with my texting bullshit,<br />
And my stupid bullshit busy motherfucking life,<br />
To help a fucking obnoxious,<br />
But obviously needy motherfucker,<br />
Who is in a bad motherfucking way,<br />
And maybe fucking crazy, or fucked up on drugs, or both,<br />
Which, by any fucking measure,<br />
Makes him way the fuck worse off than me,<br />
And would it have fucking killed me to stop<br />
And give the motherfucker a dollar?<br />
<br />
Apparently, I must have fucking thought so at the time,<br />
Because all I did was fucking say I'm sorry,<br />
And veer off to the right,<br />
In the hope that his spit would fucking miss me,<br />
Which maybe it fucking did,<br />
Or maybe he didn't actually spit on me,<br />
But it sure fucking sounded like it did,<br />
It sounded like he spit right onto the back of my motherfucking coat,<br />
And I was in such a good motherfucking mood,<br />
I just turned around, while continuing to fucking walk<br />
And I almost motherfucking smiled, I think,<br />
And figured I would just check the back of my coat<br />
On the fucking subway platform.<br />
I simply didn't give a fuck at all.<br />
<br />
But he did:<br />
He was like,<br />
"That's right motherfucker-come back here."<br />
(I think he actually did say "motherfucker.")<br />
I was in a fucking hurry,<br />
But even if I fucking hadn't been,<br />
I wouldn't have fucking stopped.<br />
I walked the fuck on,<br />
But a block and a half later,<br />
The next motherfucker who asked me for some change<br />
Got a fucking dollar.<br />
Because that's how the fuck I roll.<br />
11/9/2014<br />
<u><br /></u>
<u><br /></u>
<u>Assessment</u><br />
So, ok,<br />
"Spit" came out all fucking right, I think.<br />
Even though, or maybe because, as it fucking happened,<br />
I didn't have the Metal Box on this mp3 player after all,<br />
So I'm listening to the Flowers of Romance again,<br />
I'm up to fucking "Hymie's Hymn,"<br />
Which really is a fucking instrumental.<br />
<br />
Fuck me, this is a great fucking album.<br />
This is a great fucking moment, right here, right now.<br />
<br />
I could think of some places I'd rather fucking be,<br />
And some things I'd rather be fucking doing,<br />
But this is pretty motherfucking nice.<br />
So, yes: This Fuckin' Guy will keep it up<br />
At least a little fucking while longer.<br />
But something else is coming soon, for sure.<br />
For fucking sure.<br />
<br />
"Why worry now? You're not dead yet.<br />
You've got a whole lifetime to correct it."<br />
Fuck yes. Great fucking album.<br />
Keep banging the motherfucking door.<br />
11/9/2014Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14511768057507065605noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009972311046206953.post-6967853558508060342014-10-30T07:28:00.000-07:002014-10-30T07:28:36.655-07:00"Scrape": This Fuckn' Guy Fucks Up.<u>Scrape</u><br />
It was bound to fucking happen<br />
And it was all my fucking fault<br />
And I feel pretty fucking bad about it<br />
And I still want to do something about it if I fucking can<br />
Or maybe I should fucking let it go.<br />
But anyway...<br />
<br />
So, I'm riding down Broadway, on my way to work<br />
(Yes, of course this is another fucking Citibike story),<br />
And I get to one of those really narrow fucking sections<br />
Where the motherfuckers are doing all this fucking construction<br />
So there's only one fucking lane,<br />
And there's this cab in the middle of the motherfucking lane,<br />
But then it moves the fuck off to the right,<br />
Which looks good for me, because I'm on the left,<br />
But then it fucking inches back, I think,<br />
Or maybe it fucking didn't--maybe I just never had enough fucking room,<br />
I don't fucking know.<br />
But I hit the brakes, <br />
But I still fucking pass him<br />
And in so fucking doing,<br />
The fucking handlebar of the motherfucking bike<br />
Scrapes across both doors of the motherfucking cab.<br />
<br />
And I'm kind of a dick: I look at it, and it's just a scrape<br />
There's no fucking scratch,<br />
So I ride on.<br />
But the driver is like, "Stop! you hit my fucking cab! Stop!"<br />
He was mad, but not like crazy mad.<br />
(He didn't actually say "fucking.")<br />
<br />
I stop, and he gets out of the fucking cab,<br />
And I'm like, "I'm really fucking sorry--<br />
It looked like you fucking saw me;<br />
It looked like you were giving me room on your motherfucking left."<br />
(I didn't actually say "fucking" or "motherfucking"--you get this, right?<br />
'Cause I'm done with these fucking "I didn't say 'fucking'" parentheticals. <br />
At least for today.)<br />
<br />
He looks at me really fucking angry, but I'm like,<br />
"Do you want my ID? I don't have a fucking card, <br />
But I can give you my motherfucking phone number,<br />
But it looks like it's just a fucking scrape.<br />
I'm really fucking sorry."<br />
<br />
He looks at the fucking tail light, and sees that it's fine,<br />
Then he rubs his hand against the scrape,<br />
He's trying to fucking decide if it's ok,<br />
But he's taking a long fucking time, <br />
And now there's a lot of motherfuckers <br />
Honking their fucking horns behind us,<br />
And I say again, "I'll give you my fucking phone number,<br />
But we're holding up the motherfucking traffic here."<br />
<br />
I was going to say we should go around the corner.<br />
I mean, I wasn't going to blow him or anything,<br />
But I didn't want to blow him off either.<br />
I felt pretty fucking bad.<br />
And he was pretty fucking nice about it.<br />
And I wanted him to be able to contact me,<br />
Just in fucking case I did do some damage,<br />
Or if the fucking cab needed to be painted <br />
Or some shit.<br />
<br />
But he just said,<br />
"Ok, you can go."<br />
And I was like,<br />
"I'm really fucking sorry. I really am."<br />
Because I really was.<br />
But I went.<br />
Because what the fuck else could I do?<br />
<br />
When I got to the office,<br />
I went on Craig's List,<br />
But I couldn't find an appropriate place to post:<br />
"I hit your fucking cab<br />
With a motherfucking Citibike<br />
At around 8:15 this morning (10/30/2014)<br />
In the motherfucking Financial District.<br />
If you can fucking tell me<br />
The precise fucking intersection,<br />
I will pay for any motherfucking damage<br />
I have caused."<br />
<br />
But, so then I thought, should I fucking call <br />
The fucking Taxi and Limousine Commission?<br />
But I thought no, because then maybe fifty motherfucking cab drivers<br />
Will be like, "fuck you, pay me."<br />
I don't need that fucking shit.<br />
But I still feel like I ought to do something more<br />
Than just post this fucking poem.<br />
<br />
I mean, something fucking tells me<br />
This isn't going to be like the time<br />
I<a href="http://thequestionat.blogspot.com/2014/10/doc-this-fuckin-guy-watches-movie.html" target="_blank"> wrote</a> about that great fucking <a href="http://www.hbo.com/documentaries/the-50-year-argument/video/trailer.html#/" target="_blank">documentary</a><br />
About the fucking <a href="http://www.nybooks.com/" target="_blank">New York Review of Books</a><br />
And a bunch motherfuckers at the fucking New York Review of Books<br />
Found out about that shit and read it.<br />
(One of them even corrected a motherfucking typo: ""Silver," not 'Silvers,'"<br />
she fucking said. Which of course I fucking knew. Stupid fucking mistake.)<br />
<br />
But, so, it's not like as if today,<br />
A bunch of motherfucking cab drivers are going to be like,<br />
"Hey, check this shit out! This fucking Citibiker feels really fucking bad.<br />
Jimmy, you should fucking tell him your cab is okay."<br />
That's not going to fucking happen.<br />
Plus, I'm pretty fucking sure the guy's name isn't Jimmy.<br />
Just fucking saying.<br />
<br />
But, so, anyway, if you have any suggestions about what I should fucking do.<br />
You can post them in the fucking comments sections here,<br />
Or on my motherfucking Facebook page,<br />
Or twitter message me,<br />
Or whatever the fuck you do.<br />
<br />
But don't fucking tell me to fucking get over it.<br />
I'm already fucking over it.<br />
<br />
This isn't really about this.<br />
I feel guilty about some other shit from yesterday<br />
That I'd rather not fucking go into right now,<br />
If it's all the fucking same to you.<br />
Maybe another fucking time.<br />
But probably not.<br />
10/30/2014Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14511768057507065605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009972311046206953.post-56928766030598038902014-10-26T05:41:00.001-07:002014-10-26T05:41:59.495-07:00"Death [rev.]" This Fuckin' Guy Attempts a Rewrite<u>Death</u> [rev.]<br />
Considering how fucking old I am<br />I have not experienced a shitload<br />Of pull-your-heart-out-of-your-chest-<br />And-kick-your-fuckikng-ass-from-here-to-<br />I-don't-fuckking-know-where-the-fuck-kinda-deaths.<br />Some. One already this year.<br />But not all that fucking many.<br /><br />But I'm about to.<br />I'm fucking about to.<br />I'm about to experience another fucking one.<br /><br />And I've never, ever, ever in my entire fucking life,<br />Been able to even fucking, fucking try<br />To tell someone who was about to fucking die<br />How much I love them<br />How much they fucking mean<br />How much..I don't fucking know<br />How much fucking everything.<br /><br />But I did. I fucking did. I fucking tried.<br />I fucking tried, at fucking least.<br />I fucking tried.<br /><br />By way of fucking background<br />When we fucking lived together<br />Susannah Fucking Ryan taught me fucking mountains of shit<br />Including a shitload of mystical shit<br />She designed and fucking executed the fantastic fucking record cover<br />For the King Missile album "Mystical Shit"<br />We smoked pot, drank coffee, read books, studied the fucking tarot and kabbala and Crowley and really fucking loved each other,<br />Really fucking did.<br /><br />I was unable, after I quit drugs,<br />To fucking keep it together with her<br />My fucking fault--not hers. Not hers. Not hers.<br /><br />I spoke with her Monday on the motherfucking phone <br />And heard her beautiful fucking voice<br />Like it wasn't 25 fucking years ago<br />Like it was fucking last week or yesterday<br />Or some fucking shit.<br />Our conversation lasted as long as I could motherfucking stand.<br /><br />She fucking thanked me<br />For taking that fucking proofreading class<br />Because she took it too,<br />And it ended up being her fucking career.<br /><br />She told me she fucking saw parts of me in her son, James Elijah,<br />And that it's fucking interesting how you can see parts of other people in your children<br />
Even though those other people are not biologically related to your children, <br />Because those other people are in you.<br />Am I fucking crazy for thinking that that is absolutely fucking right?<br />That makes perfect motherfucking sense to me.<br /><br />She spoke of a fucking crystal <br />That she had put in the fucking window of her hospital room<br />And how a motherfucking bird had come near it that morning, <br />And how she's fucking happy she has this fucking window and can see the fucking mountains. <br />“The window makes me free,” she fucking said.<br /><br />Then she said this:<br />"I'm sorry to be the center of suffering.<br />But it's nice to know that you love me enough to suffer."<br /><br />That's when I lost my shit<br />That's when I had to hang up.<br />
And I told her I would fucking call her again.<br />I certainly fucking will. I fucking will.<br />I still fucking haven't but I will. I fucking will.<br />
And when I do, I will probably have to tell her<br />
That I haven't fucking found those photographs<br />
That I don't even know if I fucking have.<br />But I will keep looking. I fucking will.<br />
<br />These words say fucking nothing<br />Nothing can really say anything.<br />You can't really fucking capture someone's essence.<br />I couldn't do it Monday; and I fucking can't right now, <br />In this, another fucking meaningless fucking moment<br />Full of meaning.<br /><br />Just fucking know this, motherfuckers:<br />She is really fucking something<br />Really fucking amazing<br />Really fucking amazing<br />Fucking fuck.<br />10/20/2014, rev. 10/26/2014 Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14511768057507065605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009972311046206953.post-22410209155697800822014-10-24T17:00:00.000-07:002014-10-24T17:00:01.596-07:00"Bag" and "Gordon": This Fuckin' Guy Gets a Little Fucking Metaphysical in the Morning and Bumps Into an Old Friend in the Evening.<u>Bag</u><br />
As I rode in this morning,<br />
On a fucking Citibike, of course--what the fuck else?<br />
I saw this on a fucking tote bag that a woman was carrying:<br />
NOW IS BETTER<br />
(I think that's what it said -<br />
Her fucking arm was obscuring part of the fucking bag).<br />
<br />
Now,<br />
There can be some wisdom in motherfucking tote bags<br />
Like the one with that John Waters quote:<br />
"If you go home with somebody,<br />
And they don't have books,<br />
Don't fuck them."<br />
That's pretty fucking wise.<br />
<br />
And maybe this fucking tote bag<br />
I saw this morning<br />
Has some fucking wisdom to impart<br />
But at first fucking blush, I was like<br />
Yes--for me, now is better.<br />
But it sure isn't fucking better for everybody.<br />
And if I had seen that shit a couple of fucking weeks ago,<br />
Or even, say, <a href="http://thequestionat.blogspot.com/2014/10/death-this-fuckin-guy-cries-fucking.html" target="_blank">Monday fucking morning</a>, <br />
I would have been like,<br />
How the fuck is now better?<br />
Now fucking sucks.<br />
<br />
And how about those motherfuckers with Ebola?<br />
Or even all those motherfuckers<br />
Who are fucking worried about catching Ebola<br />
Because the motherfucking newscasters are<br />
Scaring the motherfucking shit out of them?<br />
I don't think now is better for those motherfuckers.<br />
<br />
But maybe it's like: experiencing the motherfucking now<br />
Is better than projecting forward<br />
Into a future full of motherfucking fear,<br />
Or playing the motherfucking past over and over<br />
In your motherfucking mind<br />
Until your motherfucking head fucking explodes.<br />
Being in the now would be better than that shit,<br />
For fucking sure.<br />
<br />
So,<br />
Now is fucking better,<br />
For me, for fucking sure,<br />
And maybe in some fucking ways,<br />
For everyfuckingbody.<br />
I don't fucking know.<br />
10/24/2014<br />
<br />
<u>Gordon</u><br />
Fuck me,<br />
I ran into Gordon like a fucking hour ago<br />
It was fucking awesome.<br />
I love that motherfucker.<br />
He was with his new managers<br />
One of whom knew King Missile,<br />
Had even fucking seen King Missile,<br />
A bunch of fucking times back in the day, <br />
So that was a nice fucking ego boost.<br />
<br />
Gordon got the answer to this crazy fucking question right:<br />
"What quote of mine, that you fucking quoted back to me,<br />
That I hadn't even fucking remembered that I fucking said to you, <br />
Did I recently quote back to someone else?"<br />
The fucking answer:<br />
"I never saw a film I didn't like."<br />
Which is maybe not completely fucking true anymore,<br />
But still. <br />
<br />
I sat with Gordon, and Tom and Peter, <br />
For like a motherfucking half a fucking hour,<br />
I told them about my beautiful fucking conversation<br />
With Susannah from <a href="http://thequestionat.blogspot.com/2014/10/death-this-fuckin-guy-cries-fucking.html" target="_blank">Monday</a><br />
(And, if you clicked on the link<br />
In the last fucking poem,<br />
Then don't fucking bother clicking on it again--<br />
It's the same fucking link. Just fucking saying).<br />
<br />
And I talked about about motherfucking <a href="http://pbnyc.org/content/about" target="_blank">participatory budgeting</a>,<br />
Which is fucking ridiculous, that I was talking about it,<br />
Because I only just fucking found out about that shit myself<br />
Fucking yesterday.<br />
<br />
And we fucking commiserated,<br />
Gordon and I did,<br />
About that thing where you do shows<br />
But you don't fucking tell anybody,<br />
And then afterwards, you're like<br />
"That was a good fucking show;<br />
I wish I had fucking told people."<br />
<br />
And then, just as I was fucking leaving,<br />
I fucking remembered to tell him about<br />
My motherfucking <a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/1427105060843508/" target="_blank">show on Sunday</a>.<br />
<br />
Anyway, I barely let those motherfuckers<br />
Get a fucking word in edgewise<br />
I fucking apologized, but still.<br />
<br />
This is what fucking happens<br />
When I fucking have caffeine in the afternoon.<br />
But, what the fuck can you do?<br />
I could shut the fuck up, I fucking suppose. <br />
Seriously. I wish I would shut the fuck up sometimes.<br />
I'm really fucking embarrassed.<br />
10/24/2014Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14511768057507065605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009972311046206953.post-8698442807464563592014-10-20T16:13:00.003-07:002014-10-20T16:13:31.851-07:00"Death": This Fuckin' Guy Cries a Fucking River<u>Death</u><br />
Considering how fucking old I am<br />I have not experienced a shitload <br />Of pull-your-heart-out-of-your-chest- <br />And-kick-your-fuckikng-ass-from-here-to-<br />I-don't-fuckking-know-where-the-fuck-kinda-deaths.<br />Some. One already this year.<br />But not all that fucking many.<br /><br />But I'm about to.<br />I'm fucking about to.<br />I'm about to experience another fucking one.<br /><br />And I've never, ever, ever in my entire fucking life,<br />Been able to even fucking, fucking try <br />To tell someone who was about to fucking die<br />How much I love them<br />How much they fucking mean<br />How much..I don't fucking know<br />How much fucking everything.<br /><br />But today I fucking did. I fucking tried.<br />I fucking tried, at fucking least.<br />I fucking tried.<br /><br />I spoke with her on the phone this morning <br />And heard her beautiful fucking voice<br />Like it wasn't 25 fucking years ago<br />Like it was fucking last week or yesterday<br />Or some fucking shit.<br /><br />
To fucking cry<br />And fucking think,<br />
About someone you fucking love so fucking much, <br />I can't believe you're fucking going to die<br />But she really fucking is, really fucking soon.<br /><br />I'm not going to tell you<br />The beautiful fucking thing her sister said this morning<br /><br />But check this out. This is what Susanna Ryan said:<br />"I'm sorry to be the center of suffering.<br />But it's nice to know that you love me enough to suffer."<br /><br />That's when I lost my shit<br />
That's when I had to hang up.<br />And I told her I would fucking call her again.<br />I certainly fucking will. I fucking will.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />These words say fucking nothing<br />
Nothing can really say anything.<br />
I can't fucking capture her essence<br />
Right fucking now, in this meaningless fucking momentt<br />
Full of fucking meaning.<br />
<br />
Just fucking know this, motherfucker:<br />
She is really fucking something<br />
Really fucking amazing<br />
Really fucking amazing<br />
Fucking fuck.<br />
10/20/2014Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14511768057507065605noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009972311046206953.post-49678720463234807632014-10-16T06:49:00.001-07:002014-10-16T06:49:50.139-07:00"Proof" and "Stapler": This Fuckin' Guy Links to Some Old Fucking Videos For Throwback Thursday.<u>Proof</u><br />
I am fucking aware<br />
That at least once, and maybe more than once<br />
I have asked, rhetorically,<br />
"What the fuck do I have to fucking prove?"<br />
But clearly,<br />
I was being fucking disingenuous.<br />
<br />
Because when I was watching NY1 this morning<br />
(Yes, I still fucking subscribe <br />
To Time Warner Motherfucking Cable.<br />
Yes, I'm a fucking sucker. Fuck you.),<br />
And when the fucking story came on<br />
About the motherfuckers citibiking into work this morning<br />
In the goddamn heavy motherfucking rain,<br />
I was like "Fuck you. It's on."<br />
<br />
I was already fucking smarting<br />
("Smarting?" What the fuck kind of word is "smarting"?)<br />
From having someone sing "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ex7NSTQGRBs" target="_blank">Wuss</a>" to me last night<br />
Because I wouldn't take a bike home <br />
From Carnegie Fucking Hall.<br />
<br />
Which, for the fucking record,<br />
Would have been a fucking disaster:<br />
I got soaked just walking three fucking blocks<br />
From the fucking Broadway/Lafayette<br />
F train fucking station, <br />
Even though I fucking had<br />
A huge motherfucking umbrella.<br />
<br />
And never fucking mind<br />
That yesterday <br />
I Citifuckingbiked from Broad and Bridge <br />
To motherfucking Broadway and 58th<br />
In under half a fucking hour.<br />
(Nine fucking seconds under, but still. Fuck.)<br />
<br />
Now, I fucking admit<br />
That the fucking Broad & Bridge to Broadway & 58th run<br />
I made yesterday<br />
Is not like making the fucking Kessel Run<br />
In under 12 parsecs. (Or maybe it fucking is. <br />
I don't fucking know how long the Kessel Run is,<br />
Or how much a parsec is, or any of that shit.)<br />
<br />
But fucking still:<br />
I'm an old motherfucker.<br />
And those motherfucking bikes <br />
Are not easy to fucking pedal, <br />
Okay? Fuck you. <br />
<br />
So I rode that motherfucking bike this morning,<br />
Singing loud the whole fucking way,<br />
(A curious fucking mix: <br />
"Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood," <br />
Then Petty's "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9TlBTPITo1I" target="_blank">You Don't Know How it Feels</a>" (love that fucking video) and <br />
Fucking "You're So Bad,"<br />
And then fucking "Funkytown"),<br />
<br />
Acting like I have nothing to prove,<br />
Even though I clearly fucking do.<br />
Although to what, and to who,<br />
I don't fucking know.<br />
<br />
Or maybe I should just fucking say it<br />
Before someone else fucking does:<br />
Midlife motherfucking crisis, am I right?<br />
Of course I'm fucking right.<br />
10/16/2014<br />
<br />
<br />
<u>Stapler</u><br />
This morning, before I fucking left for work<br />
Somebody I don't even fucking know,<br />
Fucking messaged me,<br />
Asking if I could take <br />
One of those industrial motherfucking staplers<br />
From work for her: <br />
"It would look great in my apartment,"<br />
She fucking said,<br />
Quoting <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIXz_vzROrw" target="_blank">Take Stuff From Work</a>.<br />
(Love that fucking video too: <br />
JFK Fucking Nitzberg; check out his<br />
Excellent, fucked up <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wild_and_Wonderful_Whites_of_West_Virginia" target="_blank">doc</a>, when you <br />
Get a fucking chance.)<br />
<br />
Now I'm as susceptible to flattery<br />
As the next motherfucker --<br />
Maybe more so.<br />
And having my shit<br />
Quoted back to me<br />
By two different people<br />
In two consecutive motherfucking days<br />
Is really fucking nice.<br />
<br />
But no, Chloe,<br />
I'm not taking a stapler from work for you:<br />
It's just not the fucking same<br />
If you don't take it yourself<br />
From your own fucking job.<br />
<br />
And besides,<br />
These fucking days. <br />
I don't take stuff from work<br />
So much as fucking leave it there:<br />
I've got like 50 fucking books<br />
Two or three hundred fucking CDs,<br />
Some fucking DVDs,<br />
Just a shitload of shit<br />
I don't have any fucking room for at home.<br />
<br />
Leave stuff at work, I say:<br />
Why get a storage space?<br />
Why get a bigger fucking apartment?<br />
Why throw shit away?<br />
Leave it at work!<br />
<br />
I'm a fucking idiot.<br />
I should shut the fuck up.<br />
I even have a fucking storage space.<br />
<br />
The fucking point is,<br />
Thank you for the fucking inspiration, Chloe,<br />
But no motherfucking stapler for you.<br />
10/16/2014Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14511768057507065605noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009972311046206953.post-90796128403779441402014-10-14T08:03:00.002-07:002014-10-14T08:59:25.583-07:00"Peace," "Endings," "Metatweet," and "Trip (With "Cake" Infuckingside)": This Fuckin' Guy Has a Fucking Religious Experience, Then Gets Really Meta and Petty and Personal and Small and Self-Indulgent and Tiresome and a Little Fucking Hard on Himself.<u>Peace</u><br />
This fucking morning<br />
Was fucking beautiful, and<br />
As I walked toward the motherfucking<br />
Citibike fucking station<br />
For my first motherfucking bike ride<br />
Since fucking last Thursday,<br />
I saw a motherfucking squirrel climb up a tree:<br />
<br />
The fucking light breaking <br />
Through the motherfucking clouds<br />
The fucking smell of Autumn in New York:<br />
God damn motherfucking fuck,<br />
There fucking are no motherfucking words.<br />
<br />
The motherfucking feeling of timelessness<br />
And fucking ecstasy and fucking oneness<br />
And fucking nothingness<br />
That fucking feeling of being there<br />
And not fucking being there<br />
And being fucking everywhere at once <br />
And fucking nowhere<br />
In the same fucking instant, <br />
In that single motherfucking timeless moment<br />
Of<br />
Peace.<br />
<br />
Motherfucking peace:<br />
Not wanting fucking anything<br />
Not needing to fucking know anything<br />
Just fucking feeling, being/not being,<br />
Knowing that the fucking moment will pass<br />
But even being fucking fine with that<br />
<br />
I stood there and watched the fucking squirrel<br />
Until I couldn't fucking see him anymore<br />
Then I brought the shit to the dry cleaners<br />
And got on a fucking bike<br />
And rode.<br />
10/14/2014<br />
<br />
<br />
<u>Endings</u><br />
There has been this fucking feeling<br />
For a couple of fucking weeks<br />
That This Fuckin' Guy<br />
Isn't going to last much fucking longer.<br />
<br />
The guy, John S. Fucking Hall,<br />
Who actually types these motherfucking words<br />
Has been telling people that he might have to kill me off.<br />
<br />
He's been acting like Arthur Fucking Conan Doyle.<br />
To tell you the motherfucking truth,<br />
Saying, "I could always kill him off,<br />
And then bring him back by popular demand."<br />
Like I'm fucking Sherlock Fucking Holmes kinda thing.<br />
<br />
If This Fuckin' Guy goes the fuck away<br />
There would only be maybe fifteen fucking people <br />
Who would actually fucking care,<br />
Although that's still fucking something,<br />
A fucking audience is a fucking audience<br />
The people who give you their fucking attention<br />
Should never be shitted on <br />
Or made to feel they don't fucking matter.<br />
<br />
But ultimately, they don't:<br />
This Fuckin' Guy would have died when he was born,<br />
In fucking August,<br />
If a handful of motherfuckers <br />
Hadn't responded really fucking positively<br />
But ultimately, if there's nothing more to fucking say<br />
Then there's nothing more to fucking say<br />
<br />
As these fucking poems<br />
Get more and more fucking meta<br />
And self fucking referential,<br />
This Fuckin' Guy<br />
Seems more and more fucking irrelevant<br />
<br />
Besides, <br />
The motherfucker who types this shit,<br />
Has a new fucking idea<br />
For another fucking series<br />
And he needs to clear his motherfucking mind<br />
So he can orient himself toward that shit<br />
Instead of this.<br />
<br />
This sounds like a fucking apology<br />
But it's fucking not:<br />
It's a fucking question,<br />
And a fucking challenge,<br />
And a fucking self indulgent piece of bullshit.<br />
<br />
There will still be motherfucking poems to write<br />
In this stupid fucking voice<br />
There will be at least two more today,<br />
And probably several more after that.<br />
But this shit has got to wind down some fucking time:<br />
There's more than enough for a motherfucking book,<br />
Twenty of these bastards have been fucking recorded<br />
A cafuckingppella<br />
And six of these shits were recorded fucking Friday<br />
with a great fucking LA band called LoveyDove.<br />
(This <a href="http://loveydove.bandcamp.com/" target="_blank">link</a> is to their first fucking record; <br />
I'm not fucking on it, but it's great.)<br />
<br />
And more fucking readings<br />
And more fucking shows<br />
And there will be more fucking recordings<br />
With LoveyDove and some other motherfuckers<br />
No fucking doubt.<br />
<br />
But everything fucking dies<br />
Often sooner than we fucking like<br />
Grasping, clinging, hoping it's not so<br />
Only fucking makes it fucking worse.<br />
<br />
This stupid fucking meta fucking poem<br />
Also has to fucking end sometime<br />
Don't worry; we're almost fucking there.<br />
<br />
Believe it or fucking not<br />
I feel really fucking great today<br />
Just a little fucking frustrated<br />
But it will fucking pass<br />
<br />
I feel like there was one more fucking thing...<br />
<br />
I can't fucking remember<br />
I hate that fucking shit.<br />
<br />
...<br />
<br />
Okay, fuck this. <br />
<br />
...<br />
<br />
Next.<br />
10/14/2014<br />
<br />
<br />
<u>Metatweet</u><br />
Earlier this motherfucking month<br />
I thought it might be a little fucking fun<br />
To tweet about how stupid <br />
My fucking stupid tweets are<br />
And add a fucking hashtag: #metatweet<br />
<br />
I tweeted several of them<br />
Last fucking weekend<br />
(And by "I tweeted," <br />
I mean <a href="https://twitter.com/omgitsjsh" target="_blank">omgitsjsh</a>, not not omfgitstfg;<br />
There is no omfgitstfg, except <a href="https://twitter.com/omfgitstfg" target="_blank">now</a> there fucking is.)<br />
<br />
Anyway, the tweets were a little fucking amusing,<br />
And there will probably be more of them<br />
And I shouldn't have been fucking surprised<br />
That I wasn't the first fucking person<br />
To come up with that fucking hashtag.<br />
<br />
Metatweets are really fucking fun<br />
And I hope I write a fuckload more of them<br />
Because I never fucking know<br />
What else to tweet.<br />
<br />
This fucking poem, if that's what it is<br />
Has no fucking point to it at all,<br />
Except that last fucking <a href="http://thequestionat.blogspot.com/2014/10/flat-scrape-tape-and-length-this-fuckin.html" target="_blank">Monday</a><br />
I said I would fucking write it.<br />
So now I fucking have. <br />
So fucking there.<br />
10/14/2014<br />
<br />
<br />
<u>Trip</u><br />
My motherfucking trip to Los Fucking Angeles<br />
Was 70, maybe 75% fucking fantastic<br />
And 25 fucking per cent fucking awful<br />
Which is a fuck of a better ratio than I had expected<br />
<br />
Even before I booked the fucking flight<br />
I knew there was going to be a fuckload of shit<br />
I was going to have to fucking work out<br />
Wreckage that I had to clear away<br />
Shit that I needed to clean up, <br />
But that I fucking knew<br />
Wasn't really fucking going to get resolved.<br />
<br />
But shortly after I had bought the fucking tickets<br />
I fucking realized<br />
That I had made a massive fucking mistake<br />
But by that fucking time<br />
The fucking shows were in place<br />
And I couldn't cancel the motherfucking trip.<br />
<br />
I made the fucking best of it I could<br />
I arranged to leave three days fucking earlier<br />
Get the fuck out of dodge, as they fucking say.<br />
Save some fucking money, vacation days, time, sanity.<br />
<br />
But this meant I had to fuck some people over<br />
Blow some fucking folks completely off<br />
And not spend as much fucking time with some people<br />
As I fucking wanted to, or as I should have.<br />
<br />
When push comes to shove, I can be a fucking dick:<br />
Manipulative, petty, vindictive, cowardly, stupid,<br />
Uncaring, small, inattentive, obnoxious, self-obsessed,<br />
Selfish, monstrous, and just fucking motherfucking shitty.<br />
And I was all of those fucking things this weekend.<br />
<br />
On the other fucking hand, the shows were good.<br />
Some motherfuckers had a great fucking time.<br />
The LoveyDove recordings came out really fucking well.<br />
And I didn't eat too motherfucking much.<br />
But I didn't write a motherfucking word of poetry.<br />
The only one I even fucking thought of, but didn't write,<br />
Was this:<br />
<br />
<em><u>Cake</u></em><br />
<em>Sunday a</em><em>t the fucking vegan restaurant</em><br />
<em>Whose name I can't fucking remember,</em><br />
<em>Because I'm fucking stupid, </em><br />
<em>And I can't ever remember fucking names,</em><br />
<em></em><br />
<em>After ordering the fucking fried avocado,</em><br />
<em>And the motherfucking Philly fucking cheesesteak,</em><br />
<em>It was completely fucking uncalled for</em><br />
<em>And totally fucking wrong</em><br />
<em>To order the fucking red velvet cake as fucking well.</em><br />
<em></em><br />
<em>But I fucking did it.</em><br />
<em>Because I'm a fucking monster</em><br />
<em>And thank fucking god</em><br />
<em>That someone at the fucking yard sale</em><br />
<em>Wanted to trade it</em><br />
<em>For a zine by Janet Fucking Housden</em><br />
<em></em><br />
<em>(And now I'm fucking wondering </em><br />
<em>If that fucking someone</em> <u>was</u> <em>Janet Fucking Housden,</em><br />
<em>Who I don't think I've ever fucking met)</em><br />
<em></em><br />
<em>And thank fucking god</em><br />
<em>I made the trade.</em><br />
<em>10/14/2014</em><br />
<br />
See? The fucking date on that one is today, too:<br />
I spent three fucking days in LA<br />
And didn't write a motherfucking thing<br />
Except some emails, most of which I didn't even send.<br />
The trip was fucking full of psychodrama, believe you fucking me.<br />
Almost all of it<br />
Of my own fucking making.<br />
<br />
I will eventually get through the fucking awful<br />
Although some of it will fester in my motherfucking mind<br />
For a long fucking time<br />
And fucking consume me if I fucking let it.<br />
So I probably won't fucking let it.<br />
<br />
Instead, I will do a lot of stupid shit this week.<br />
Distract myself with <a href="http://americansymphony.org/marriage-actually/" target="_blank">music</a> and motherfucking responsibilities<br />
And try do be less of a fucking dick.<br />
<br />
So far, since I've gotten fucking back<br />
I have failed fucking miserably <br />
At not being a fucking dick.<br />
But I've got to cut this bullshit out, stat.<br />
<br />
Onward and fucking upward,<br />
Into the fucking breach,<br />
Radiate kindness and understanding and fucking love,<br />
Try to be fucking helpful<br />
Try to be a human fucking being,<br />
Instead of a motherfucking monster.<br />
<br />
Appreciate what I fucking have,<br />
Instead of whining about what I don't.<br />
Embrace the beautiful motherfucking day.<br />
Happy fucking Tuesday to me.<br />
10/14/2014<br />
<br />
<br />Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14511768057507065605noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009972311046206953.post-22452960434479399482014-10-08T19:43:00.002-07:002014-10-08T19:43:47.834-07:00"Mic" - This Fuckin' Guy Writes a Poem at a Mic.<u>Mic</u><br />
So a couple of fucking hours ago<br />
On my way to run some fucking errand<br />
I pass by a sign that says "Open mic tonight,"<br />
And I'm like, are you fucking kidding me?<br />
So I walk in and I ask how fucking long it goes until<br />
And the woman at the door say "10,"<br />
And I'm like, ok, I'll fucking come back, then.<br />
I'm thinking I can read some of my fucking poems<br />
That I'm going to read<br />
In fucking Los Angeles on fucking Friday,<br />
Saturday and motherfucking Sunday.<br />
<br />
But it takes fucking forever for me to finish<br />
All of my fucking shit,<br />
And I don't get back to the fucking place<br />
Until like nine fucking thirty.<br />
And I figure no fucking way<br />
Am I going to be able<br />
To sign up for this fucking mic.<br />
<br />
I order a fucking sparkling water<br />
I fucking love sparkling water -<br />
This one's called Bolle,<br />
And it's pretty fucking good.<br />
<br />
And like three fucking minutes later,<br />
The host, Eve, she fucking says,<br />
"ok, we have a fucking open slot.<br />
The first person who wants go next<br />
Can fucking go next.<br />
So who fucking wants to go next?"<br />
So I shot my hand right the fuck up<br />
And I went the fuck up there,<br />
And I read fucking "Sunset," fucking "Stars,"<br />
Motherfucking "Moon" and fucking "Bike."<br />
And it felt pretty fucking good,<br />
I'm not going to fucking lie.<br />
<br />
And so now I'm a little less fucking nervous<br />
About fucking LA this fucking weekend.<br />
So thanks, Eve, for having a fucking mic<br />
Three fucking blocks from where I live<br />
At just the right fucking time<br />
When I really fucking needed:<br />
A fucking mic.<br />
<br />
I felt so fucking good right now,<br />
That I'm still fucking here,<br />
Sitting at this fucking table<br />
With my sparkling fucking water,<br />
Writing this fucking poem.<br />
<br />
I know, right?<br />
10/8/2014<br />
<br />Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14511768057507065605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009972311046206953.post-58097713470415970382014-10-06T08:52:00.000-07:002014-10-06T08:52:47.480-07:00"Flat," "Scrape," "Tape," and "Length": This Fuckin' Guy Goes on Way Too Fucking Long for "Metatweet."<u>Flat</u><br />
I took out a fucking Citibike this morning<br />
As I am fucking wont to do<br />
I save so much fucking money riding these motherfuckers,<br />
For one fucking thing.<br />
But for another fucking thing,<br />
I like riding a motherfucking bike to work<br />
I really fucking like it.<br />
<br />
But I start riding this fucking bike<br />
And I realize it must have<br />
A motherfucking flat<br />
But I'm figuring it can't be that bad of a flat<br />
Because it hadn't fucking been reported broken<br />
Which is an easy motherfucking thing to do:<br />
You just press a motherfucking button<br />
When you return the motherfucker.<br />
<br />
So I start riding, south on Mercer,<br />
As I'm wont to do,<br />
And yeah, the bike's a little fucking wobbly<br />
And a bit hard to fucking pedal<br />
But it seems fucking manageable.<br />
I could have just fucking returned it,<br />
But if you return a Citibike<br />
Even a fucking a broken one<br />
You have to wait two fucking minutes<br />
Before you can take out another one<br />
So I was like, fuck that shit, <br />
I can fucking do this.<br />
Because I'm a fucking idiot.<br />
<br />
So I've gone about three quarters of a block<br />
And see I've got 20 fucking seconds<br />
To make the left at Houston<br />
Which is plenty of fucking time<br />
But because of the flat<br />
I have to pedal faster<br />
Which makes the bike more fucking wobbly<br />
And I fucking lose control<br />
And I veer off into the fucking curb<br />
And fall the fuck off the fucking bike.<br />
<br />
And it's a motherfucking good thing<br />
I happened to find<br />
A pair of motherfucking winter gloves<br />
This fucking morning<br />
It was below fucking 50 this morning,<br />
So I had those motherfuckers on <br />
And they came in fucking handy in that moment, 'cause<br />
I used my hands to break my fucking fall.<br />
<br />
I have fallen off a fucking Citibike before,<br />
Once, last year, similar fucking situation -<br />
I bumped up onto the motherfucking curb and fell forward -<br />
But this time wasn't as bad,<br />
That fucking time, <br />
I was like 70 fucking pounds heavier<br />
And I was going fucking faster,<br />
And I didn't have gloves on,<br />
So I fucking fucked up my hands a little bit,<br />
And ripped a big fucking hole in my fucking pants,<br />
Had to through those fucking shits the fuck away.<br />
And I still have a mark on my left knee from that shit.<br />
<br />
But this time, I got up, <br />
My hands were fucking fine,<br />
The pants just had a little bit of schmutz on them<br />
(Can you use that word if the shit isn't on your face?),<br />
And I returned the fucking bike<br />
Waited the two fucking minutes<br />
And had a nice fucking bike ride to work<br />
<br />
I thought about A.R. Ammons, actually,<br />
The time I saw Harold Bloom introduce him<br />
Before he did a reading somewhere in fucking Soho<br />
And then I felt that horrible fucking guilt,<br />
And I thought about how<br />
I really have to write that fucking poem<br />
Called "Tape."<br />
<br />
But other than that motherfucking guilt<br />
It was another fucking nice commute to "work."<br />
10/6/2014<br />
<br />
<br />
<u>Scrape</u><br />
I got to work<br />
And checked my right fucking knee<br />
And it's really just a little fucking scrape.<br />
<br />
But I washed that shit with soap,<br />
Because that's what adults do, right?<br />
And while I'm doing that, I'm fucking thinking<br />
"Flat," Scrape," and "Metatweet,"<br />
But that doesn't fucking feel fucking right,<br />
<br />
But fuck me,<br />
"Flat," Scrape," and "Tape" feels right,<br />
And then maybe "Metatweet."<br />
We'll just have to see how it fucking goes.<br />
10/6/2014<br />
<br />
<br />
<u>Tape</u><br />
Okay, actually I've been thinking about this poem a long fucking time.<br />
Since fucking August, actually. <br />
I guess it fucking goes like fucking this:<br />
<br />
After I got thrown out of NYU<br />
I was a fucking bank teller for a little fucking while,<br />
And I then I got fucking fired.<br />
And I was a goddamn motherfucking fucking mess.<br />
And my mother was like,<br />
"Why don't you fucking go to Cornell <br />
This fucking summer? They've got this <br />
Six week motherfucking summer session program.<br />
It sounds really fucking nice. You ought to go."<br />
(Again, I paraphrase. It's what I do.)<br />
<br />
So I looked a the motherfucking catalog<br />
And there was a fucking course called "Rudiments of Popular Music,"<br />
And I was like, that looks like it might be fucking interesting,<br />
Maybe I would like to check that out,<br />
Maybe it would help me fucking figure out<br />
How to write a fucking song,<br />
Which would be really fucking nice to know how to do,<br />
So I figured I'll fucking take that class,<br />
And maybe one other,<br />
So I said, "Okay mom, I'll fucking do that."<br />
<br />
So my father drives me up to fucking Ithaca<br />
To the beautiful fucking Cornell fucking campus,<br />
I check into my motherfucking room,<br />
And look at the motherfucking registration materials,<br />
And "Rudiments of Popular Music"<br />
Has been fucking cancelled.<br />
<br />
I look through the fucking catalog,<br />
And I'm like fuck, fuck,<br />
Fuck!<br />
But finally, I'm like<br />
Okay, maybe fucking "Verse Writing."<br />
Maybe I will like that fucking class.<br />
And as long as I was fucking there,<br />
I signed up for "A History of The Labor Movement, <br />
As Told by Those Who Made It," <br />
Or some fucking thing like that<br />
Because it was basically, you fucking watch films<br />
Of fucking labor leaders,<br />
And that sounded pretty fucking good,<br />
Plus, also, my father was a fucking union leader,<br />
Which was something I always fucking liked about him,<br />
Etc, so fucking anyway,<br />
<br />
I fucking loved this fucking "Verse Writing" Class:<br />
We just fucking wrote poems,<br />
And fucking read them,<br />
And fucking discussed each other's poems,<br />
Along with the professor, A. R. Ammons,<br />
Who was always really fucking encouraging<br />
And kind.<br />
<br />
Four days a week <br />
we read and discussed our fucking poems.<br />
The fifth day, the teaching assistant Jody Gladding,<br />
gave a lecture about a specific fucking poet.<br />
(I had a huge fucking crush on her -<br />
I just saw her name in the <em>New York Review</em>;<br />
A translation she did was reviewed there fucking recently -<br />
But that's neither fucking here nor fucking there.)<br />
<br />
Anyway, the second fucking day,<br />
Susannah, who was also in the class<br />
(and whom I quickly fell in love with; <br />
Jody Gladding notwithfuckingstanding);<br />
Was shocked to know I didn't know<br />
Who the fuck Ammons fucking was,<br />
Because she had come specifically <br />
To take this fucking class because she loved<br />
This fucking Ammons guy.<br />
<br />
She showed me Ammons' book<br />
<em>Tape for the Turn of the Year</em>.<br />
To this fucking day, it is one of my<br />
Favorite fucking books of all fucking time.<br />
<br />
It's a "long thin poem"<br />
(As he refers to it on the first fucking page)<br />
Written on a roll of fucking adding machine tape<br />
From December 1963 to January 1964<br />
I mean, come on, right?<br />
What a cool fucking idea.<br />
<br />
And I can't fucking tell you<br />
How many fucking times<br />
I've thought about that motherfucking book<br />
While writing these fucking poems.<br />
<br />
But the sad fucking confession <br />
That I was thinking about today<br />
Was how, when I saw him do that reading in New York<br />
Years fucking later,<br />
And I spoke to him afterwards,<br />
And he fucking remembered me,<br />
And I told him about the records I had made,<br />
And how I thanked him in the liner notes<br />
For <em>Fluting on the Motherfucking Hump</em>,<br />
And how I wanted to send some fucking recordings to him,<br />
And he said "I wish you would,"<br />
And I told him I would.<br />
But I fucking didn't.<br />
I never fucking did.<br />
And then he died.<br />
<br />
And now, I don't know what the fuck else to say:<br />
I suck: I hate the fucking way I say I'll do something<br />
And then fucking don't.<br />
The way I always let people down, still.<br />
To this fucking day<br />
Maybe I'm better than I used to be, <br />
And maybe fucking not. But still, fucking regardless:<br />
I fucking suck.<br />
And, yes, people let me down too, all the fucking time.<br />
But still I fucking suck.<br />
<br />
But you know what doesn't fucking suck?<br />
<em>Tape For the Turn of the Motherfucking Year</em><br />
You should really fucking read that fucking shit.<br />
I'm fucking serious, motherfucker:<br />
Read that fucking shit.<br />
Or fucking don't. I don't actually fucking care.<br />
I'm just fucking saying<br />
That motherfucker Ammons could fuck with a pen, yo,<br />
And <em>Tape</em> is an excellent motherfucking book.<br />
No fucking lie.<br />
10/6/2014<br />
<br />
<br />
<u>Length</u><br />
This is a really fucking long blog entry<br />
I mean, it's not as fucking long as<br />
<em>Tape For the Turn of the Motherfucking Year</em><br />
That motherfucker is more than<br />
200 fucking pages fucking long.<br />
<br />
But still, I fucking wonder<br />
How many fucking people <br />
Will even read this shit.<br />
<br />
It's fucking Monday,<br />
People have shit to fucking do --<br />
Not me, apparently, not fucking now --<br />
but other fucking people,<br />
Have a lot of fucking shit to fucking do.<br />
<br />
At times, during the<em> Tape</em>,<br />
Ammons fucking speculates<br />
If anyone is still fucking reading<br />
His long fucking poem,<br />
And how crazy and fucking hubristic<br />
An idea it fucking is<br />
To be writing the motherfucker.<br />
<br />
He writes about his motherfucking back aching,<br />
And then there's that time in the fucking book,<br />
When he backs the whole fucking poem<br />
Up out of the fucking typewriter<br />
And takes it for a motherfucking ride somewhere.<br />
And he talks about the length,<br />
The way I'm fucking doing fucking now.<br />
<br />
I'm no fucking Ammons, for fuck's sake,<br />
But today, I'll fucking tell you,<br />
I'm totally fucking feeling what Jonathan Fucking Lethem called<br />
<em><a href="http://harpers.org/archive/2007/02/the-ecstasy-of-influence/" target="_blank">The Ecstasy of Fucking Influence</a></em><br />
Even though I'm not consciously fucking ripping Ammons off.<br />
<br />
But the point fucking being:<br />
I don't have the time or fucking patience<br />
To write this fucking "Metatweet" poem right now.<br />Which is just as fucking well,<br />
'Cause I've gone on too way too fucking long.<br />
<br />
And also, it is kind of fucking nice<br />
To know I've got at least one fucking more <br />
Motherfucking poem to write<br />
At some point in the fucking future.<br />
Even though, who knows, it might fucking suck,<br />
Still: it's nice to have some fucking sense<br />
Of what might be fucking coming fucking next.<br />
10/6/2014Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14511768057507065605noreply@blogger.com0