Skip to main content

"Death": This Fuckin' Guy Cries a Fucking River

Death
Considering how fucking old I am
I have not experienced a shitload
Of pull-your-heart-out-of-your-chest-
And-kick-your-fuckikng-ass-from-here-to-
I-don't-fuckking-know-where-the-fuck-kinda-deaths.
Some. One already this year.
But not all that fucking many.

But I'm about to.
I'm fucking about to.
I'm about to experience another fucking one.

And I've never, ever, ever in my entire fucking life,
Been able to even fucking, fucking try
To tell someone who was about to fucking die
How much I love them
How much they fucking mean
How much..I don't fucking know
How much fucking everything.

But today I fucking did. I fucking tried.
I fucking tried, at fucking least.
I fucking tried.

I spoke with her on the phone this morning
And heard her beautiful fucking voice
Like it wasn't 25 fucking years ago
Like it was fucking last week or yesterday
Or some fucking shit.

To fucking cry
And fucking think,
About someone you fucking love so fucking much,
I can't believe you're fucking going to die
But she really fucking is, really fucking soon.

I'm not going to tell you
The beautiful fucking thing her sister said this morning

But check this out. This is what Susanna Ryan said:
"I'm sorry to be the center of suffering.
But it's nice to know that you love me enough to suffer."

That's when I lost my shit
That's when I had to hang up.
And I told her I would fucking call her again.
I certainly fucking will. I fucking will.








These words say fucking nothing
Nothing can really say anything.
I can't fucking capture her essence
Right fucking now, in this meaningless fucking momentt
Full of fucking meaning.

Just fucking know this, motherfucker:
She is really fucking something
Really fucking amazing
Really fucking amazing
Fucking fuck.
10/20/2014

Comments

  1. Jahn XavierOctober 20, 2014 at 6:20 PM

    Oh man.

    Fuck.

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownOctober 21, 2014 at 1:53 PM

    Love you John. It hurts so terribly, I know. But glad you spoke with her and conveyed what's in your true heart.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Points": This Fuckin' Guy Gets Some Fucking Points.

Points As those of you motherfuckers Who were reading This Fuckin' Blog last year (Or who heard this ) Already fucking know, I like Citibike: I used to have to buy motherfucking monthly transit cards From the motherfucking MTA Every motherfucking month And I fucking hate the motherfucking MTA. Citibike has saved me a shitload of money That would otherwise go to the pieces of shit At the fucking MTA So yeah, I fucking like Citibike. If I had to name the worst fucking thing About Citibike I guess I'd say that sometimes There's no fucking bikes And you have to walk to another fucking docking station And sometimes There's no room to dock your bike So you have to ride to another station to dock your fucking bike But that's really no big deal It's only occasionally a pain in the ass. But, so then, I get an email from Citibike a couple of  months ago, About this new fucking program Where you get points If you take a fucking bike from a to
1 comment
Read more

"Loss."

Loss Two fucking years ago A month or two after Citibike fucking started up I was like, fucking hell, I hardly ever ride the fucking subway anymore So I stopped getting the monthly fucking unlimited fucking Metrocard And got a pay per fucking ride And I hardly ever fucking paid for a fucking subway ride: For fucking months I'd get on a fucking bike each morning And I'd be like, hey I'm fucking saving money And after a couple of months, Let me fucking tell you, I was the fastest motherfucking Citbike riding motherfucker On the motherfucking bike path Along the fucking Hudson Going south in the morning. Not the fastest fucking bike rider -- There were always some fucking Lycrafucks Who would pass my ass (see " Bike "; the second to last Motherfucking poem I wrote on August 30th of last fucking year; Or hear "Bike,"  here ; I think it's the second fucking track). But never fucking ever did a motherfucker on another Citibike Ever f
1 comment
Read more

Dan West: This Fucking Guy Celebrates A Friendship

So this fucking morning, I get one of these fucking messages from Facebook, Telling me I'm celebrating Three fucking years of friendship Between me and Dan Fucking West. There’s a little fucking video thing. I've never looked at one of these fucking Facebook videos before. It's kind of fucking stupid, But it brought back some nice fucking memories. I really fucking like Dan West. He is one awesome motherfucking motherfucker -  I'm fucking serious like a motherfucking heart attack. But at the end of the fucking video, It says something like, "There are billions of fucking friendships out there, But only one like yours (Meaning mine and Dan West's). That's fucking awesome." I'm not sure why that is fucking awesome. You could say that every fucking friendship Is fucking unique. Is that awesome? I don't fucking know. Maybe it is. No two fucking snowflakes, am I right? Of course I'm fucking right. I guess it would b
Post a Comment
Read more