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"Ossoff" and "FBI": This Fuckin' Guy Gives, Gives a Little More, and Refuses to Give

Ossoff

Yeah, what the fuck, I gave that motherfucker some money today.
I figured, any motherfucker gets 48 per cent running as a Democrat in the Georgia 6th deserves a little something.
So I gave him a little fucking money.
Just a little fucking money.

And then Act Blue, who coordinates the fucking contributions, was like "Hey--could we get a fucking tip?"
And I was like, sure, I'll tip you motherfuckers too,
Because 20 percent of the tiny fucking donation I just gave to this motherfucker Ossoff is like nothing anyway,
But it's better than fucking nothing.

Last week, when Ossoff was polling at like 42 per cent, I was like, "No fucking way is this motherfucker going to win the runoff,"
But maybe he fucking will.

Anyway, it's worth throwing a little fucking money in.
Skin in the fucking game.

April 19, 2017


FBI

Monday, I was about to dock a Citibike
Over by the motherfucking ferry,
And this guy is like,
"Yo, could I borrow your bike? I'm with the FBI."

And I'm thinking to myself, "I don't give a fuck;
If you keep this bike out past the forty five fucking  minute mark,
I'll get fucking charged for it.
And if you never return the fucking bike, I'll get charged
like a thousand fucking dollars."

The guy is like, "I'll show you my ID; I swear, I'm FBI."
But I've docked the fucking bike at that point,
And I'm walking the fuck away,
But I turn around and say,
"If you're with the FBI, you can just fucking call Citibike
And they will unlock a motherfucking bike for you."
And he says, "I work in the business department of the FBI--I'm not that money."

And I keep walking,
And I'm kind of fucking outraged.
I'm thinking, this fuckin' guy (not me--him),
This fuckin' guy tries to take a fucking bike on my fucking dime who the fuck knows where
For who the fuck knows how long
By acting like he needs it on FBI business.
He would probably get fired if they found out he tried that shit.

Now, of course, I'm not going to fucking report him,
And by this time, I don't even remember what he fucking looks like.
But two days later, I'm still thinking about it
And I'm still like,
Fuck that fuckin' guy.

April 19, 2017

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