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"Points": This Fuckin' Guy Gets Some Fucking Points.

Points

As those of you motherfuckers
Who were reading This Fuckin' Blog last year
(Or who heard this)
Already fucking know,
I like Citibike:
I used to have to buy motherfucking monthly transit cards
From the motherfucking MTA
Every motherfucking month
And I fucking hate the motherfucking MTA.

Citibike has saved me a shitload of money
That would otherwise go to the pieces of shit
At the fucking MTA
So yeah, I fucking like Citibike.

If I had to name the worst fucking thing
About Citibike
I guess I'd say that sometimes
There's no fucking bikes
And you have to walk to another fucking docking station
And sometimes
There's no room to dock your bike
So you have to ride to another station to dock your fucking bike
But that's really no big deal
It's only occasionally a pain in the ass.

But, so then, I get an email from Citibike a couple of  months ago,
About this new fucking program
Where you get points
If you take a fucking bike from a too-full fucking station
And/or i…
Recent posts

Dan West: This Fucking Guy Celebrates A Friendship

So this fucking morning,
I get one of these fucking messages from Facebook,
Telling me I'm celebrating
Three fucking years of friendship
Between me and Dan Fucking West.

There’s a little fucking video thing.
I've never looked at one of these fucking Facebook videos before.
It's kind of fucking stupid,
But it brought back some nice fucking memories.
I really fucking like Dan West.
He is one awesome motherfucking motherfucker - 
I'm fucking serious like a motherfucking heart attack.

But at the end of the fucking video,
It says something like,
"There are billions of fucking friendships out there,
But only one like yours
(Meaning mine and Dan West's).
That's fucking awesome."

I'm not sure why that is fucking awesome.
You could say that every fucking friendship
Is fucking unique.
Is that awesome?
I don't fucking know.
Maybe it is.
No two fucking snowflakes, am I right?
Of course I'm fucking right.

I guess it would be fucked
If there were two f…

"Ossoff" and "FBI": This Fuckin' Guy Gives, Gives a Little More, and Refuses to Give

Ossoff

Yeah, what the fuck, I gave that motherfucker some money today.
I figured, any motherfucker gets 48 per cent running as a Democrat in the Georgia 6th deserves a little something.
So I gave him a little fucking money.
Just a little fucking money.

And then Act Blue, who coordinates the fucking contributions, was like "Hey--could we get a fucking tip?"
And I was like, sure, I'll tip you motherfuckers too,
Because 20 percent of the tiny fucking donation I just gave to this motherfucker Ossoff is like nothing anyway,
But it's better than fucking nothing.

Last week, when Ossoff was polling at like 42 per cent, I was like, "No fucking way is this motherfucker going to win the runoff,"
But maybe he fucking will.

Anyway, it's worth throwing a little fucking money in.
Skin in the fucking game.

April 19, 2017


FBI

Monday, I was about to dock a Citibike
Over by the motherfucking ferry,
And this guy is like,
"Yo, could I borrow your bike? I'm with the …

"Trump II: Speech" and "Retrospect": This Fuckin' Guy Reflects.

Trump II: Speech*
Jesus fucking cocks
How do you like the balls on this motherfucking piece of shit?

Make the bar so fucking low
That that shit looks statesmanlike?
That that shit looks good?
Fuck that shit
And fuck you.

But I will say one fucking thing:
It's a fucking shame that no Democrat since probably LBJ
Would even fucking think of proposing
A trillion fucking dollars on infrastructure
And I will say fuck yes to that.

I will give credit when credit is due
Like what that piece of shit Bush did in Africa:
A lot of fucking money to fight AIDS, malaria, and other fucked up shit
over there
Whereas that fuck Reagan took five fucking years to even say the fucking word "AIDS."
That piece of shit ratbastard fuck.

So fuck yes to Bush fighting AIDS, malaria, and other fucked up shit in Africa
And fuck yes to proposing a trillion dollars for infrastructure
Even if it never fucking happ‎ens
It's a nice fucking gesture
It's a lovely fucking gestu‎re
So fuck yes
I mean, I'm almost al…

"Return" and "Trump I": This Fuckin' Guy Comes Back.

Return

It's been a long fucking time.
I'm not all that into me, but I've kind of fucking missed me.

After writing something like a hundred fucking poems in 14 months,
This Fuckin' Guy was getting fucking repetitive and pedestrian and boring.
To me, at least.
And I don't think I was the only fucking one.

But, now that 14 more months have gone by (17, actually)
And what with the state of the motherfucking union,
It feels like there might be a place again
For This Fuckin' Guy.

Let's see....

February 28, 2017


Trump I* (In Seven Parts)

I
Well, yeah, of course.
Fuck this fucking piece of shit
Fuck this piece of shit in his fucking dick
With a fucking corkscrew
Stick a fucking corkscrew in his dick
And screw it in.
Hard.
Fucking piece of shit.
Fuck this fucking motherfucker.

II
I've been trying to transcend
I've been meditating and being all like
Live and let live
But then this ever changing world in which we live in
Made me give in and cry
And say fuck that shit
Live and let this mo…

"Loss."

Loss
Two fucking years ago
A month or two after Citibike fucking started up
I was like, fucking hell, I hardly ever ride the fucking subway anymore
So I stopped getting the monthly fucking unlimited fucking Metrocard
And got a pay per fucking ride
And I hardly ever fucking paid for a fucking subway ride:

For fucking months
I'd get on a fucking bike each morning
And I'd be like, hey I'm fucking saving money
And after a couple of months,
Let me fucking tell you,
I was the fastest motherfucking Citbike riding motherfucker
On the motherfucking bike path
Along the fucking Hudson
Going south in the morning.
Not the fastest fucking bike rider --
There were always some fucking Lycrafucks
Who would pass my ass (see "Bike"; the second to last
Motherfucking poem I wrote on August 30th of last fucking year;
Or hear "Bike," here; I think it's the second fucking track).
But never fucking ever did a motherfucker on another Citibike
Ever fucking pass me.

But s…

"118" and "Book": This Fuckin' Guy has been at it for a year!

118
A year ago today,
This Fucking Guy
Wrote his first fucking poem
Called "Dragonfly"

Whoop-de-fucking-
Motherfucking-whoop-de-fucking-do
Fucking "Dachshund" and Fucking "Daisy"
Were written that day too

I just fucking counted
How many there have been
117 motherfuckers
A motherfucking sin

A few are pretty fucking good
And a few are fucking not
But regardless, 117's
A motherfucking lot

I posted one motherfucker twice
Because it was rewritten
But it only counts as one
Otherwise, that would be bullshitting

And there's a fucking poem called "Cake"
Inside another poem
I figured, fuck it, that one counts
Leave me the fuck alone

Anyway, it's been a year a this shit
Whoop-de-fucking-dee
Happy fucking birthday
To motherfucking me
8/5/2015

Book
I've been thinking,
Fuck me, there are a fuckload
Of This Fuckin' Guy poems.
Shouldn't there be a fucking book?

"Owls" has already been fucking published,
And a few more are suppo…