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Showing posts from August, 2015

"118" and "Book": This Fuckin' Guy has been at it for a year!

A year ago today,
This Fucking Guy
Wrote his first fucking poem
Called "Dragonfly"

Fucking "Dachshund" and Fucking "Daisy"
Were written that day too

I just fucking counted
How many there have been
117 motherfuckers
A motherfucking sin

A few are pretty fucking good
And a few are fucking not
But regardless, 117's
A motherfucking lot

I posted one motherfucker twice
Because it was rewritten
But it only counts as one
Otherwise, that would be bullshitting

And there's a fucking poem called "Cake"
Inside another poem
I figured, fuck it, that one counts
Leave me the fuck alone

Anyway, it's been a year a this shit
Happy fucking birthday
To motherfucking me

I've been thinking,
Fuck me, there are a fuckload
Of This Fuckin' Guy poems.
Shouldn't there be a fucking book?

"Owls" has already been fucking published,
And a few more are suppo…

"Explanation" and "Picture": This Fuckin' Guy Follows up on Yesterday's Poem.

I'm not fucking sure
If I explained
How my toe got so fucked up.

You see, when you go on a fucking long ass motherfucking hike,
Particularly when you're hiking downhill,
It's very fucking easy
To stub your fucking toes
On motherfucking rocks.
And I did this repeatedly.

And if you haven't cut your fucking toenails recently,
The motherfucking toenail
Will jam down into your toe
When you stub that shit on a rock.
And the longer the fucking toenail
The more that shit hurts.
And that toenail,
On the right big toe,
That shit was long.
This Fuckin' Guy
Forgets to clip his motherfucking toenails

So, my solution
(Rather than just fucking remembering
To clip those motherfuckers
On a regular fucking basis)
Is, the next time I plan to go
On a motherfucking hike,
I'll put a note in my fucking calendar
Two days before the hike
That says "Clip your fucking toenails."

Oh, and I already fucking said
I'm not taking a picture

"Toe": This Fuckin' Guy Contemplates an Appendage.

Damn my toe got fucked up from that hike last weekend.
That shit is black and fucking disgusting.
I'm not one to wear sandals, normally, but I was just out walking with some mothefucking sandals on, and motherfuck me, that toe looks like shit.
I only first noticed it a couple of days ago.
I don't look at my feet a lot.
I'm not into feet, like I heard Quentin Tarrantino is really fucking into feet,
But I'm not, and even if I fucking was,
I wouldn't be into my feet
And even if I was into my own fucking feet,
I would be like, yo, motherfucking foot over there, I'll see you in a couple of fucking weeks, because that motherfucking toe over there is fucked up.
I could take a photograph of it, and maybe I will, but I don't know if I would want anyone to see that shit. It's fucked.
I'm not trying to be coy.
I'm not trying to play it like, oh, if you talk me into it, I will show you my fucked up fucking toe. Because I won't.
This motherfucking fu…