"Flies," "Research," and "Rating": This Fuckin' Guy's Got a Few More.

Flies
Ok, so I was just walking out of the fucking garden
And on the ledge outside the fucking pediatrician's window
Two fucking flies were fucking

This was not like that time with the squirrels
I mean, it's the same sexual position
(Which, now that I think about it: so many fucking
Non-human animals fuck like that all the fucking time
(Not to mention human animals, who also fuck like that sometimes),
So why is it fucking called doggy style?
Is what I'd fucking like to fucking know.)

So, it's the same fucking sex position
But very different fucking methodology
(From the fucking squirrels, I mean.)
These flies looked like
They weren't fucking moving at all

Can a fly's dick just pump in and out
Without the fly moving his hips at all, or what?
Do flies even fucking have hips?

I don't know why I'm wondering
When I can just look that shit up
Which maybe I fucking will
In a moment or fucking two

But I'm fucking recalling
The last time I saw two fucking flies balling
On a bench or some shit
Right fucking next to me
And I brushed them away
And they fucking flew away together

And I was like,
That's really fucking romantic
Flies are fucking disgusting
But wouldn't it be really fucking nice
To be flying and fucking at the same fucking time?
That sounds really fucking nice
That sounds like a really nice time.
10/4/2014



Research
Okay, I fucking tried to look that shit up
I googled "Sexual behaviour of flies,"
And I got a bunch of scholarly fucking articles
About fucking mate selection

So then I was like, fuck it,
And I googled "How do flies fuck?"
And I learned that
Female fruit flies like to fuck really quick,
Like a minute and a half or some shit
While males like that shit to last.

I learned that when houseflies fuck
They make so much fucking noise
That bats hear them and come and fucking eat them
That's kind of fucking interesting,
But I want to know why they fucking look
Like they're not fucking moving .

In this video, the female fly is trying to get away
From the fucking male that;s fucking her
So I guess that's fucking fly rape right there

But the flies I saw today were really fucking peaceful looking
So I don't fucking know
I don't fucking feel like researching this shit any further.

I think maybe--and this is fucking sad--
Maybe the flies I saw were fucking dead.
I don't fucking know.
10/4/2014


Rating
While I was writing about the fucking flies
I just got a fucking email from Amazon
Asking how I like the fucking long sleeve fucking tee shirt
I bought from fucking Amazon last week.
They want me to fucking rate it
I don't rate shit on Amazon
Maybe that's fucking selfish of me
But I just fucking don't

But as a matter of fucking fact
I'm wearing that motherfucking tee shirt right now
And I like it a fuckload
I needed some fucking size small shirts
Because people were fucking asking me if I was fucking sick
Because I've lost so much fucking weight
None of my fucking clothes from last year fucking fit

And this fucking shirt fits fucking fine
And it's fucking comfortable
I fucking like it a lot
My rating for this fucking shirt
Is fucking excellent
It's a really fucking excellent
Fucking long sleeve fucking tee shirt

But if Amazon really fucking wants to know that
Then maybe somebody from fucking Amazon
Should just read my fucking blog
Let's just fucking leave it at that.
10/4/2014