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"Death": This Fuckin' Guy Cries a Fucking River

Death
Considering how fucking old I am
I have not experienced a shitload
Of pull-your-heart-out-of-your-chest-
And-kick-your-fuckikng-ass-from-here-to-
I-don't-fuckking-know-where-the-fuck-kinda-deaths.
Some. One already this year.
But not all that fucking many.

But I'm about to.
I'm fucking about to.
I'm about to experience another fucking one.

And I've never, ever, ever in my entire fucking life,
Been able to even fucking, fucking try
To tell someone who was about to fucking die
How much I love them
How much they fucking mean
How much..I don't fucking know
How much fucking everything.

But today I fucking did. I fucking tried.
I fucking tried, at fucking least.
I fucking tried.

I spoke with her on the phone this morning
And heard her beautiful fucking voice
Like it wasn't 25 fucking years ago
Like it was fucking last week or yesterday
Or some fucking shit.

To fucking cry
And fucking think,
About someone you fucking love so fucking much,
I can't believe you're fucking going to die
But she really fucking is, really fucking soon.

I'm not going to tell you
The beautiful fucking thing her sister said this morning

But check this out. This is what Susanna Ryan said:
"I'm sorry to be the center of suffering.
But it's nice to know that you love me enough to suffer."

That's when I lost my shit
That's when I had to hang up.
And I told her I would fucking call her again.
I certainly fucking will. I fucking will.








These words say fucking nothing
Nothing can really say anything.
I can't fucking capture her essence
Right fucking now, in this meaningless fucking momentt
Full of fucking meaning.

Just fucking know this, motherfucker:
She is really fucking something
Really fucking amazing
Really fucking amazing
Fucking fuck.
10/20/2014

Comments

  1. Jahn XavierOctober 20, 2014 at 6:20 PM

    Oh man.

    Fuck.

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownOctober 21, 2014 at 1:53 PM

    Love you John. It hurts so terribly, I know. But glad you spoke with her and conveyed what's in your true heart.

    ReplyDelete

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