Skip to main content

"Mic" - This Fuckin' Guy Writes a Poem at a Mic.

Mic
So a couple of fucking hours ago
On my way to run some fucking errand
I pass by a sign that says "Open mic tonight,"
And I'm like, are you fucking kidding me?
So I walk in and I ask how fucking long it goes until
And the woman at the door say "10,"
And I'm like, ok, I'll fucking come back, then.
I'm thinking I can read some of my fucking poems
That I'm going to read
In fucking Los Angeles on fucking Friday,
Saturday and motherfucking Sunday.

But it takes fucking forever for me to finish
All of my fucking shit,
And I don't get back to the fucking place
Until like nine fucking thirty.
And I figure no fucking way
Am I going to be able
To sign up for this fucking mic.

I order a fucking sparkling water
I fucking love sparkling water -
This one's called Bolle,
And it's pretty fucking good.

And like three fucking minutes later,
The host, Eve, she fucking says,
 "ok, we have a fucking open slot.
The first person who wants go next
Can fucking go next.
So who fucking wants to go next?"
So I shot my hand right the fuck up
And I went the fuck up there,
And I read fucking "Sunset," fucking "Stars,"
Motherfucking "Moon"  and fucking "Bike."
And it felt pretty fucking good,
I'm not going to fucking lie.

And so now I'm a little less fucking nervous
About fucking LA this fucking weekend.
So thanks, Eve, for having a fucking mic
Three fucking blocks from where I live
At just the right fucking time
When I really fucking needed:
A fucking mic.

I felt so fucking good right now,
That I'm still fucking here,
Sitting at this fucking table
With my sparkling fucking water,
Writing this fucking poem.

I know, right?
10/8/2014

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

"Points": This Fuckin' Guy Gets Some Fucking Points.

Points

As those of you motherfuckers
Who were reading This Fuckin' Blog last year
(Or who heard this)
Already fucking know,
I like Citibike:
I used to have to buy motherfucking monthly transit cards
From the motherfucking MTA
Every motherfucking month
And I fucking hate the motherfucking MTA.

Citibike has saved me a shitload of money
That would otherwise go to the pieces of shit
At the fucking MTA
So yeah, I fucking like Citibike.

If I had to name the worst fucking thing
About Citibike
I guess I'd say that sometimes
There's no fucking bikes
And you have to walk to another fucking docking station
And sometimes
There's no room to dock your bike
So you have to ride to another station to dock your fucking bike
But that's really no big deal
It's only occasionally a pain in the ass.

But, so then, I get an email from Citibike a couple of  months ago,
About this new fucking program
Where you get points
If you take a fucking bike from a too-full fucking station
And/or i…

"Return" and "Trump I": This Fuckin' Guy Comes Back.

Return

It's been a long fucking time.
I'm not all that into me, but I've kind of fucking missed me.

After writing something like a hundred fucking poems in 14 months,
This Fuckin' Guy was getting fucking repetitive and pedestrian and boring.
To me, at least.
And I don't think I was the only fucking one.

But, now that 14 more months have gone by (17, actually)
And what with the state of the motherfucking union,
It feels like there might be a place again
For This Fuckin' Guy.

Let's see....

February 28, 2017


Trump I* (In Seven Parts)

I
Well, yeah, of course.
Fuck this fucking piece of shit
Fuck this piece of shit in his fucking dick
With a fucking corkscrew
Stick a fucking corkscrew in his dick
And screw it in.
Hard.
Fucking piece of shit.
Fuck this fucking motherfucker.

II
I've been trying to transcend
I've been meditating and being all like
Live and let live
But then this ever changing world in which we live in
Made me give in and cry
And say fuck that shit
Live and let this mo…

Dan West: This Fucking Guy Celebrates A Friendship

So this fucking morning,
I get one of these fucking messages from Facebook,
Telling me I'm celebrating
Three fucking years of friendship
Between me and Dan Fucking West.

There’s a little fucking video thing.
I've never looked at one of these fucking Facebook videos before.
It's kind of fucking stupid,
But it brought back some nice fucking memories.
I really fucking like Dan West.
He is one awesome motherfucking motherfucker - 
I'm fucking serious like a motherfucking heart attack.

But at the end of the fucking video,
It says something like,
"There are billions of fucking friendships out there,
But only one like yours
(Meaning mine and Dan West's).
That's fucking awesome."

I'm not sure why that is fucking awesome.
You could say that every fucking friendship
Is fucking unique.
Is that awesome?
I don't fucking know.
Maybe it is.
No two fucking snowflakes, am I right?
Of course I'm fucking right.

I guess it would be fucked
If there were two f…