Skip to main content

"Mic" - This Fuckin' Guy Writes a Poem at a Mic.

Mic
So a couple of fucking hours ago
On my way to run some fucking errand
I pass by a sign that says "Open mic tonight,"
And I'm like, are you fucking kidding me?
So I walk in and I ask how fucking long it goes until
And the woman at the door say "10,"
And I'm like, ok, I'll fucking come back, then.
I'm thinking I can read some of my fucking poems
That I'm going to read
In fucking Los Angeles on fucking Friday,
Saturday and motherfucking Sunday.

But it takes fucking forever for me to finish
All of my fucking shit,
And I don't get back to the fucking place
Until like nine fucking thirty.
And I figure no fucking way
Am I going to be able
To sign up for this fucking mic.

I order a fucking sparkling water
I fucking love sparkling water -
This one's called Bolle,
And it's pretty fucking good.

And like three fucking minutes later,
The host, Eve, she fucking says,
 "ok, we have a fucking open slot.
The first person who wants go next
Can fucking go next.
So who fucking wants to go next?"
So I shot my hand right the fuck up
And I went the fuck up there,
And I read fucking "Sunset," fucking "Stars,"
Motherfucking "Moon"  and fucking "Bike."
And it felt pretty fucking good,
I'm not going to fucking lie.

And so now I'm a little less fucking nervous
About fucking LA this fucking weekend.
So thanks, Eve, for having a fucking mic
Three fucking blocks from where I live
At just the right fucking time
When I really fucking needed:
A fucking mic.

I felt so fucking good right now,
That I'm still fucking here,
Sitting at this fucking table
With my sparkling fucking water,
Writing this fucking poem.

I know, right?
10/8/2014

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

"Return" and "Trump I": This Fuckin' Guy Comes Back.

Return

It's been a long fucking time.
I'm not all that into me, but I've kind of fucking missed me.

After writing something like a hundred fucking poems in 14 months,
This Fuckin' Guy was getting fucking repetitive and pedestrian and boring.
To me, at least.
And I don't think I was the only fucking one.

But, now that 14 more months have gone by (17, actually)
And what with the state of the motherfucking union,
It feels like there might be a place again
For This Fuckin' Guy.

Let's see....

February 28, 2017


Trump I* (In Seven Parts)

I
Well, yeah, of course.
Fuck this fucking piece of shit
Fuck this piece of shit in his fucking dick
With a fucking corkscrew
Stick a fucking corkscrew in his dick
And screw it in.
Hard.
Fucking piece of shit.
Fuck this fucking motherfucker.

II
I've been trying to transcend
I've been meditating and being all like
Live and let live
But then this ever changing world in which we live in
Made me give in and cry
And say fuck that shit
Live and let this mo…

"Trump II: Speech" and "Retrospect": This Fuckin' Guy Reflects.

Trump II: Speech*
Jesus fucking cocks
How do you like the balls on this motherfucking piece of shit?

Make the bar so fucking low
That that shit looks statesmanlike?
That that shit looks good?
Fuck that shit
And fuck you.

But I will say one fucking thing:
It's a fucking shame that no Democrat since probably LBJ
Would even fucking think of proposing
A trillion fucking dollars on infrastructure
And I will say fuck yes to that.

I will give credit when credit is due
Like what that piece of shit Bush did in Africa:
A lot of fucking money to fight AIDS, malaria, and other fucked up shit
over there
Whereas that fuck Reagan took five fucking years to even say the fucking word "AIDS."
That piece of shit ratbastard fuck.

So fuck yes to Bush fighting AIDS, malaria, and other fucked up shit in Africa
And fuck yes to proposing a trillion dollars for infrastructure
Even if it never fucking happ‎ens
It's a nice fucking gesture
It's a lovely fucking gestu‎re
So fuck yes
I mean, I'm almost al…

"Loss."

Loss
Two fucking years ago
A month or two after Citibike fucking started up
I was like, fucking hell, I hardly ever ride the fucking subway anymore
So I stopped getting the monthly fucking unlimited fucking Metrocard
And got a pay per fucking ride
And I hardly ever fucking paid for a fucking subway ride:

For fucking months
I'd get on a fucking bike each morning
And I'd be like, hey I'm fucking saving money
And after a couple of months,
Let me fucking tell you,
I was the fastest motherfucking Citbike riding motherfucker
On the motherfucking bike path
Along the fucking Hudson
Going south in the morning.
Not the fastest fucking bike rider --
There were always some fucking Lycrafucks
Who would pass my ass (see "Bike"; the second to last
Motherfucking poem I wrote on August 30th of last fucking year;
Or hear "Bike," here; I think it's the second fucking track).
But never fucking ever did a motherfucker on another Citibike
Ever fucking pass me.

But s…