"Bump," "Bruise," "Ducks," and "'Duck'": This Fucking Guy Suffers a Minor Trauma.

Bump
Last night, I was rushing to get some fucking laundry
Out of the motherfucking dryer
And some motherfucker
Had left another fucking dryer door open
And BANG! my motherfucking head
And I mean fucking BANG!
And that shit fucking hurt

And I was very fucking glad
There were no other motherfuckers
In the motherfucking place
At that particular time
Because I slammed that fucking dryer door closed
And that shit swung back
And I slammed that shit shut again
And I did that shit like four fucking times
While screaming "motherfucking cocksucker motherfucker"
Or words to that fucking effect.
I don't fucking remember, exactly.

Anyway, then I'm folding the laundry
And the shit still fucking hurts,
And I look in the mirror
Above the fucking folding table
And it looks like there's a little fucking dent
Or a gash or some shit

And then I felt my head
And there was a fucking bump
And I smiled, because
If I'm going to act
Like a motherfucking fool like that
It should be over something
That really fucking hurts
And that shit really fucking hurt

And when I got upstairs
My head still fucking hurt
And I felt a little fucking dizzy
So I finished a short story I had started writing
A motherfucking month ago.
And fell the fuck asleep.

All in all
A pretty fucking productive fucking evening.
9/18/2014


Bruise
Then this morning
The bump was almost fucking gone
There was barely even a motherfucking bruise.

Nobody would even fucking know
I hit my fucking head
If I were to leave these fucking poems unposted
Which I fucking won't:
These four fuckers are getting posted tonight.

I had a lot of fucking work to do at work today
And while I was fucking doing it
I would occasionally experience
Some mild motherfucking dizziness
And I speculated about the motherfucking possibility
That I had a fucking aneurism or some fucking shit

But that shit is almost all fucking gone now
I'm fucking fine
I spared myself another fucking doctor's visit

Which fucking reminds me
My doctor emailed me recently
To tell me that my iron levels were low
Not really fucking low, just low
And she said I should call her to discuss

But I didn't want to talk to her, because,
What the fuck is there to discuss?
She already fucking told me everything
I fucking needed to know
In the fucking email.

I'll just eat more fucking spinach.
And leave it the fuck at that.

Motherfucking fuck, this is
One fucking disjointed fucking poem.
Maybe I should get my fucking head examined.
9/18/2014


Ducks
I've been thinking about ducks all fucking day
This morning, when  I walked
Into the motherfucking office building
I thought, fuck yes,
I should write a fucking poem
About ducks

The way they waddle around
Like stupid fucking dipshits
Like they're the bird version
Of motherfucking dragonflies, or some shit.

And those fucking beaks
And the way they fucking quack

Fucking ducks
Are pretty fucking funny
Fucking ducks
9/18/2014


"Duck"
And, as almost any motherfucking comedian will tell you,
"Duck" is a funny fucking word.
Of course, I think it's a lot fucking funnier
When it refers to the fucking bird
Than when it refers to that thing
You better fucking do
When some motherfucker
Leaves the motherfucking dryer door open.

Yes, I'm still fucking pissed off about that shit.
That shit still hurts a little fucking bit.
If somebody had been there
They maybe could have maybe fucking said
"Duck!" to me
Or maybe could have closed that fucking door.
9/18/2014