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"Rain," "Blabbermouth," "Weight," "Thighs" and "Arms": Some More Solopsistic Narcisistic Nonsense From This Fuckin' Guy

Today - let me fucking tell you
I fucking loved the rain.
Last year, when I was re-learning
How to ride a motherfucking bike
The rain would really fucking piss me off

But fuck me,
I can ride a motherfucking bike now, motherfucker
So this fucking morning
When I was slowly fucking weaving
Around those cars
And fucking busses and  motherfucking trucks
I didn't even fucking feel
Like I was taking my motherfucking life
In my motherfucking hands
Which fairly fucking recently
I did fucking feel like maybe I was

And so this is a good fucking thing
Because today, it's like
I actually want to maybe fucking live
That's fucking nice, right?

I'm such a motherfucking blabbermouth
You wouldn't fucking believe what I just wrote
I don't know why I want the fucking world
To know my stupid fucking petty shit

But always every mother fucking time
I get a fucking idea in my mind
I write it down and motherfuck, I want
To post the motherfucker in real time

Why is it that I always fucking want
To spew my secrets out like fucking puke
Have I no motherfucking common sense?
Do I secretly crave fucking rebuke?

Do I want to be fucking punished for my thoughts?
Do I think I'm fucking evil deep inside?
I motherfucking wish I fucking knew
I don't know why I'm fucking asking you

But thank you fucking God, for just this once
I had the wherewithal to cut the poem
I fucking wrote between this one and "Rain"
'Cause posting it would've cost a world of pain.

Sometimes it's good I fucking talk so much
So people know exactly where they stand
But the poem I just wrote only fucking goes
To certain fucking people, by demand.

I'm like fucking
Three or four pounds shy
Of my motherfucking goal weight

Many have fucking told me
And they're not exactly fucking wrong
That I'm a fucking girl about my weight

But the fucking difference is
I think I'm finally fucking almost
Okay with how much I fucking weigh

Lately, I've been looking at the scale
And I don't want to stop fucking eating
For a motherfucking week

Lately, I look in the fucking mirror
And I don't want to vomit,
Either to lose weight or out of fucking disgust

For an old motherfucker
And I am a very fucking old motherfucker
I don't look fucking terrible today

I just fucking hope I don't  fucking turn
Into more of a fucking narcissist
Than I already fucking am

The other fucking day
I was walking down the motherfucking street
And I was like, what the fuck is going on
With my fucking legs
And I bent down and grabbed my right thigh
And the motherfucker was hard as a fucking rock

I don't know when the fuck this happened
But I've suddenly got some serious fucking muscles
In my motherfucking thighs
A consequence, no motherfucking doubt
Of how fucking hard I've been pedaling
Those motherfucking, fucking citibikes

Fuck me, I am getting fucking narcissistic
Because the next fucking thing
I was thinking about fucking mentioning
Was that time, last fucking month, on the subway
When I was asked, "Can you do a fucking pull-up?"
By someone the same fucking age as me.
And I was like, "Fuck no."
Because I haven't fucking been able to do one
Since fucking high school

But then I tried, on the fucking subway hand rail
And fuck me, I could.
And this was such big fucking deal,
That here I fucking am, telling you
So my fucking arms are getting stronger too
Whoop de motherfucking whoop de do


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