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"Tree," "Stump," "Branch," and "Acorn" -- This Fuckin' Guy Just Keeps on Fucking Going.

Tree
Oh my god I fucking hate myself right now.
I wrote a fucking poem this morning,
And it's fucking unpostable,
Which really fucking motherfucking sucks.

I spent like an hour and a half on the motherfucker.
I really fucking tried to get it right.
And I think I fucking did, I really do.
But it is definitely fucking unpostable
I'm fucking sorry, but it really fucking is.

And it fucking sucked,
I was like, almost fucking finished,
And suddenly I'm saying to myself,
Wait a fucking minute,
I can't fucking post this.

So then I fucking get into
Why am I fucking doing this,
Why am I fucking finishing it,
Why fucking go on,
Why do fucking anything,
The tree will fucking fall,
And nobody will fucking hear it.
It will not make a motherfucking sound.

Instead, I'm over here,
Fucking telling you about the fucking sound
That tree just fucking made.
Fuck me, you should have heard that shit.
It fucking went BOOM!
I'm fucking serious.

Actually, I did send it to this one fucking guy
'Cause he was the first motherfucker
Who happened to fucking contact me today.
So I sent it to him.
So the tree did make a little fucking sound.
Somebody fucking heard it. That is good.
9/6/2014


Stump
If I were to cut off my dick right now
There would just be a fucking stump
Because it's not actually fucking detachable.
I still fucking wish it fucking was.
I get really fucking sick of it sometimes.
Fucking thing won't leave me the fuck alone.
Like Richard fucking Pryor said on TNG,
"Dick gets harder than times in '29."
Fucking A.

At the end of the fucking Oshima movie
When she cuts that fucking guy's dick off
(Oh, fucking sorry. Fucking spoiler alert.
But I didn't name the film, so fuck yourself),
That's all there is. There's just a fucking stump.
A fucking nub.
And a whole lot of blood all over the fucking futon.

I saw that fucking film when I was in college,
And I never fucking forgot it,
Fucking inspiring fucking way to end a film.
But the woman with whom I saw it said,
"That was not a a good first date movie.
We cannot fuck after that."
I hadn't been aware that that was in the fucking cards.

During that fucking hurricane
A tree outside my window got totally fucked,
And they cut the motherfucker down.
And now there is just a motherfucking stump out there.
Which has nothing to do with fucking anything--
I'm just fucking saying.
9/6/20114


Branch

A branch lays fucking severed on the ground
Useless, lifeless, like a severed cock
Ants are crawling on it, it's diseased
Get that fucking thing away from me.

I wonder who was fucking with that tree
Who cut that fucking branch off? What the fuck?
Who left it here to rot and gather moss?
It's fucking huge, a fucking albatross.

This fucking branch, directly in my path
Is someone going to take this shit away?
I'm trying to get from here to over there
And I don't have all motherfucking day.

Okay then, fucking fine then, be like that.
I'll move this motherfucker by self
The ants will crawl on my dick--I don't care
I don't need anyone else's fucking help.
9/6/2014


Acorn
How do you fucking like the way
A mighty fucking oak tree
Can grow out of a fucking acorn?
I mean, come on.
That's pretty fucking nice, right?

I mean, okay --
It does takes a really fucking long fucking time.
It would be really fucking boring
to have to sit around an watch that shit happen.
I wouldn't want to fucking do that.

But still. Right? Fuck.
A whole big old fucking oak tree
From a tiny fucking acorn.
It's kind of fucking awesome.

That shit makes some people
Be all fucking religious and shit,
Saying -- "look at that shit,
It must be fucking intentional,
That shit doesn't just happen."

But I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about?
Shit happens all the fucking time.
That's what shit does. It fucking happens.
The fact that some of the shit that happens
Is really fucking incredible and awesome
Doesn't prove or disprove jack fuck.
At least, I don't fucking think so.
I don't fucking know.

But still, that acorn-tree shit
Is really fucking nice.
You can't be denying that shit.
No fucking lie.
9/6/2014

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