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"Wedding," "Reception," and "Show:" This Fuckin' Guy Has an Excellent Fucking Weekend


Wedding
That was a really fucking nice wedding yesterday
I wore the black suit and those nice fucking black shoes
And what the fucking fuck was I worried about--
Half the motherfuckers in the place
Were wearing fucking black

The bride, who I've known a pretty long fucking time
Was fucking beautiful and fucking hilarious
The groom, who I've only met a couple of fucking times
Seemed really fucking nice and good and kind
And they are both fucking brilliant
And both so fucking in love
I'm really fucking happy for them both
Mazel fucking Tov, you know what I mean?

Reception
And I had been fucking dreading the fucking reception
I used to be fucking scared to fucking death of that kind of shit
And I figured there'd be a lot of fucking rich motherfuckers
And I can get very fucking intimidated  by fucking wealth

And there were a lot of rich motherfuckers
But I talked to some of them, and they were really fucking nice
I talked to one motherfucker about jazz -
Mingus and fucking Miles and Benny fucking Goodman
And I went on and fucking on about that fucking scene
In that fucking movie where Gene fucking Krupa
Plays drums on a fucking matchbox
With fucking matchsticks

And dancing, fucking dancing, I hate fucking dancing
Or I thought I fucking did
But I liked some of the fucking music
I fucking had to fucking dance when Prince's "Kiss" came on
And the fucking Turtles' fucking "Happy Together"
There was some really fucking nice music

And it was great that the person I was seated next to - Alia
Was so fucking sweet and funny and kind
Someone I've fucking known almost as long as the fucking bride

When the bride introduced Alia to some fucking guy
She was trying to set her up with
(Which was already fucking weird, because Alia's mostly into women)
The bride said to the two of them "You've both lost dogs recently"
Like she thought they could commiserate and grief-fuck over that
After the guy left our table
I made a fucking joke about how they could do it doggy style
And thank god Alia fucking laughed at that

Later, he came back and dug his fucking grave
By saying "The DJ thinks he's fucking black"
Which wasn't just racist; it made no fucking sense.

We left together
Alia had ridden her fucking bike to the fucking place
And I told her I could get a fucking citibike
Which I fucking did

It was a beautiful fucking, beautiful fucking night
Riding down south on the West Side fucking Highway
She lives a little north and east of me
But there was some fucking construction she wanted to avoid
So she asked, "Can I ride you home?"
And I said "What??!!"
And we both fucking laughed so fucking hard

She said, "You knew what I meant."
But for that split fucking second, I actually didn't
Which was why it was so fucking funny.

We parted ways at Bleecker and fucking Mercer
I slept really fucking well for the first time in weeks
Yesterday was an excellent fucking day
9/21/2014


Show
Lexie fucking texted me
At 8:fucking40 AM this fucking morning:
"Here's a fucking shot in the fucking dark; at 3pm today
I'm going to fucking Tammy's Nico show. Wanna go?"
I said fuck yes!
I hadn't seen it yet
And I fucking love Tammy
And Lexie

And I had wanted to see the fucking show any fucking way
But it had just been fucking written up
In the motherfucking Times
So I figured I'd never get a fucking ticket now
But here it was, dropped into my motherfucking lap
And even a third comp, for my good friend Ray
(We had planned to go last fucking week
But decided to go to Songwriter fucking Death Match instead)

Anyway, the show was fucking great
Even if you don't know shit about Nico
(And I don't fucking know a fuck of a lot)
You should fucking go, if you possibly fucking can

After the fucking show, we went backstage,
And I met Tammy's fucking husband, fucking Keith
Who plays in the fucking show
He and I are fucking facebook friends,
But we had  never fucking met
And he looked at me, confused for a moment,
Then said "That Fuckin' Guy!"
Which felt really fucking great; I'm not going to lie.

But look, motherfucker, I'm fucking serious:
See this fucking show if you possibly fucking can.
Everybody in it is fucking great
No fucking lie
9/21/2014

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