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Another Five by This Fuckin' Guy: Garden, Clouds, Babies, Dirt, Chicks

Garden
This garden has a shitload of beautiful fucking shit in it-fucking
trees, flowers, fucking plants and grass
It smells so fucking nice
Birds and animals and shit

It's so peaceful here that the squirrels aren't even trying to rape each other*
It's fucking serene.
It's a beautiful fucking day.

So I'm think I'm going to pull out some weeds
Maybe transplant a fucking bush
And then maybe just lie here and fucking relax and jerk off in this
beautiful fucking garden
Because why the fuck not?
8/18/2014


Clouds
A cloud can be big fat fuck of floating marshmallow in the fucking sky
Moving slowly in the gentle fucking wind

Or it can be little fucking wisp that looks like a long fucking finger
or some shit stretching out across the entire fucking horizon

Or it can be a fucking ominous looking fucking rain cloud telling you
to get the fuck inside, lest a bolt of lightning fries your fucking
ass.

You can see shit in the clouds - like a cow or maybe a train or
whatever the fuck, but some people who play that game are full of shit
and just pull shit out of their asses, because no way that cloud over
there looks  like fucking Gertrude Stein.
Get the fuck out of here.
Fucking Gertrude fucking Stein.
Fuck you.

Oh, wait.
Maybe that one does kind of look like Gertrude Stein.
Well, fuck me.
8/18/2014


Babies
Ok, a lot of babies are really fucking cute.
Not all of them, but a lot of them.
And, but you can't go up to a baby and say,
"You know what? You're a fucking cute baby,"
'Cause for one thing, the fucking baby isn't going to know what the fuck you're talking about.

And you can't say it to the baby's parents,
Like if you see a parent with a really cute fucking baby,
You can't be like, that is one cute fucking baby,
Even though it is--you can't say it.
'Cause they'll be like, "Get the fuck away from my baby,"
And then you'll be like,
"What!?!
What the Fuck!?!
Come On!
I'm just saying.
It's not my fault your baby is so fucking cute that I just had to fucking say something.
I'm just saying--fucking cute baby.
Come on."

I mean, I just don't want to get into it like that
So I see a cute baby, and I just fucking look away
And walk away.
'Cause I don't fucking need that fucking shit.
Fuck that shit.
8/19/2014


Dirt
Fucking dirt--am I right?
You don't really think about it a lot,
Like the dirt that the plants grow in?
The soil?
Like really rich fucking soil that you can grow shit in?

You can call it dirt, but it's not dirty.
It's fucking clean.
It's nice.
It's clean, it's nice, it's full of nutrients and shit.
It's clean, but you wouldn't want to wash in it.
Or eat it.

But you could grow fucking vegetables in it and eat the fucking vegetables.
You grow vegetables in this fucking dirt,
And you're going to have some delicious fucking vegetables.
Word is bond - you know what I'm saying?
Word is fucking bond.

Take both hands and stick them in this bag of clean, rich dirt,
And squeeze that shit through your fingers.
Fuck yeah, right?
Fuck yeah.
8/19/2014


Chicks
At the Ocean Lotus Farm
when the car would pull up
All these fucking chickens
Would run up to the car door
To see who would get out

They'd fucking surround you
And follow you around
Like little fucking puppies or some shit
Makes me wonder
How the fuck people can eat them for one thing
I'm just saying

And the little baby chicks
They are fucking cute-I'm fucking serious
Cuter than fucking babies, first of all
But, I mean, they are fucking babies

So I wonder why
Some fucking guys
Want to call women chicks
Like you like baby chickens?
You want to fuck little baby chickens?

If you tried to fuck a chick
She would explode right off your dick
You like that?
You want to fuck chicks?
That's what you want?

It doesn't even work as a simile
How the fuck is a woman like a chick?
If you actually met a woman who was actually like a chick
Would you actually want to get with that?
If I ever met a woman that reminded me of a chick
I think that would freak me right the fuck out.
I would get the fuck out of there.
I don't want to fuck or eat chicks--fuck that.
I'm just saying.
8/19/2014

*See "Squirrels" in previous post.

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