Skip to main content

Two Full Poems, and Part of a Third, by This Fucking Guy: Dragonfly, Dachsund, and Daisy

"This Fucking Guy" is an idea I've been kicking around with a friend for a few weeks. These are the first of his poems, all written today (8/5). The third is incomplete, because it's a bit fucked up. But I will read it in its entirety on Friday (8/8/14) if anyone asks -- or maybe even if no one does.

What the fuck is wrong with you, dragonfly?
The way you dart and dip like some insane dipshit
Like you've been drinking all fucking night
Like someone dropped a hammer on your head from the fourth or fifth fucking floor or some shit
Seriously, you are one fucked up bird of a bug.
Get the fuck out of here.

Look at this funny fucking dog
But I like it, though
Fucking wiener dog
Like a flaccid fucking dick with four legs wobbling around looking for pussy
Silly fucking dog

Dachshund, so that's German, right?
No, wasn't going to mention the war, I'm just saying
You're a funny fucking German dick shaped dog
That's all.
I'm just saying.

Daisy [excerpt]
You are a pretty fucking flower, daisy
Like a real girly girl of a flower, kinda thing
I mean, most flowers are girly I guess
but you're so smiley and so sweet.

I don't normally go for such happy, pretty flowers
But you're hot Daisy.
You are really fucking hot.



Popular posts from this blog

"Points": This Fuckin' Guy Gets Some Fucking Points.


As those of you motherfuckers
Who were reading This Fuckin' Blog last year
(Or who heard this)
Already fucking know,
I like Citibike:
I used to have to buy motherfucking monthly transit cards
From the motherfucking MTA
Every motherfucking month
And I fucking hate the motherfucking MTA.

Citibike has saved me a shitload of money
That would otherwise go to the pieces of shit
At the fucking MTA
So yeah, I fucking like Citibike.

If I had to name the worst fucking thing
About Citibike
I guess I'd say that sometimes
There's no fucking bikes
And you have to walk to another fucking docking station
And sometimes
There's no room to dock your bike
So you have to ride to another station to dock your fucking bike
But that's really no big deal
It's only occasionally a pain in the ass.

But, so then, I get an email from Citibike a couple of  months ago,
About this new fucking program
Where you get points
If you take a fucking bike from a too-full fucking station
And/or i…

"Ossoff" and "FBI": This Fuckin' Guy Gives, Gives a Little More, and Refuses to Give


Yeah, what the fuck, I gave that motherfucker some money today.
I figured, any motherfucker gets 48 per cent running as a Democrat in the Georgia 6th deserves a little something.
So I gave him a little fucking money.
Just a little fucking money.

And then Act Blue, who coordinates the fucking contributions, was like "Hey--could we get a fucking tip?"
And I was like, sure, I'll tip you motherfuckers too,
Because 20 percent of the tiny fucking donation I just gave to this motherfucker Ossoff is like nothing anyway,
But it's better than fucking nothing.

Last week, when Ossoff was polling at like 42 per cent, I was like, "No fucking way is this motherfucker going to win the runoff,"
But maybe he fucking will.

Anyway, it's worth throwing a little fucking money in.
Skin in the fucking game.

April 19, 2017


Monday, I was about to dock a Citibike
Over by the motherfucking ferry,
And this guy is like,
"Yo, could I borrow your bike? I'm with the …

"Return" and "Trump I": This Fuckin' Guy Comes Back.


It's been a long fucking time.
I'm not all that into me, but I've kind of fucking missed me.

After writing something like a hundred fucking poems in 14 months,
This Fuckin' Guy was getting fucking repetitive and pedestrian and boring.
To me, at least.
And I don't think I was the only fucking one.

But, now that 14 more months have gone by (17, actually)
And what with the state of the motherfucking union,
It feels like there might be a place again
For This Fuckin' Guy.

Let's see....

February 28, 2017

Trump I* (In Seven Parts)

Well, yeah, of course.
Fuck this fucking piece of shit
Fuck this piece of shit in his fucking dick
With a fucking corkscrew
Stick a fucking corkscrew in his dick
And screw it in.
Fucking piece of shit.
Fuck this fucking motherfucker.

I've been trying to transcend
I've been meditating and being all like
Live and let live
But then this ever changing world in which we live in
Made me give in and cry
And say fuck that shit
Live and let this mo…